Subject: Marriage (Page 7)

Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all

Definitions Marriage

Bigamist: A man who makes the same mistake twice.

Definitions Marriage

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Husbands Marriage Self Wives

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix’ that's why he's never worked.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Husbands Marriage Work

For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed; and if you really want to stay married, get two.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Marriage

A man doesn’t know the value of a woman’s love until he starts paying alimony.

Marriage

The tragedy of marriage is that while all women marry thinking that their man will change, all men marry believing their wife will never change.

(1929 – ) British military historian, cook book writer & novelist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage Wives

I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex; last night, she called me from a motel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Marriage Sex Speech Wives

Went to the doctor's last week, he said, 'Have you had sex in the last seven days?' … and I said, 'No, my birthday's in April.'

comedian
Marriage Sex

Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Marriage

I'm 34 years old; I thought I'd be divorced by now.

American comedian
Age Divorce Marriage

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Money Speech

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Conflict Housework Husbands Marriage Proverbs

I’m in a same-sex marriage… the sex is always the same.

English police officer, writer, stand-up comedian & radio performer
Marriage Sex

She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Marriage

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Divorce Marriage

Bigamist: A man who who has had one too many.

Definitions Marriage

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence; when men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.


(1943 – ) American psychologist, author
Marriage Men People Situations Women

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Marriage Sex

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Government Law Lawyers Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

(469 BC – 399) BC Greek philosopher
Emotions Happiness Marriage Wives