Subject: Marriage (Page 8)

Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.

Marriage

Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage.

(1942 – 1999) American actress
Beliefs Marriage Sex

I could be such a wonderful wife to another wife's husband.

(1931 – ) American author & newspaper journalist
Husbands Marriage Wives

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

They have come up with a perfect understanding; he won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either.

Husbands Marriage Wives

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Intelligence Marriage Memory

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Emotions Happiness Love Marriage Money Wealth

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals Divorce Marriage Money

My uncle always described an unforced error as his first marriage.

American journalist & tennis broadcaster
Marriage Sports

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Marriage

I wish them a long and happy life; if it’s as long as their wedding, I’m sure they’ll be fine.

(1943 – ) English comedian, writer, television host & actor
Marriage

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they’ll fill out tons of paperwork.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Marriage

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, “You're only interested in one thing,” and you can't remember what it is.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Marriage Memory Sex

A husband always prefers his wife’s mother-in-law to his own.

Marriage

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Wives

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

Communication Marriage Speech Wives

And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages; you get married, and every night, it’s the same sex.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Marriage Sex Wordplay

Colonel Mustard: How many husbands have you had?
Mrs. White: Mine or other women's?

(1942 – 1999) American actress
Husbands TV/Movie Quotes

Year: The exact length of time that will pass from the day you get married to the day you forget your first anniversary.

Definitions Marriage Time

After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Husbands Marriage Wives

You have to remember: the wife has been home all day cleaning asses and feeding faces… sometimes the opposite.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Children Family Marriage Wives