Subject: Marriage (Page 9)

Marriage ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.

Definitions Marriage

If he's stuck with the shrew, I hope he screws everything that's not tied down.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Marriage Sex

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after.

Marriage Proverbs

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Divorce Marriage

Americans, indeed, often seem to be so overwhelmed by their children that they’ll do anything for them except stay married to the co-producer.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
America Children Family Marriage Parents

I heard from my cat’s lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Divorce Marriage

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Wives

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it, Whenever you're right, shut up.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Happiness Marriage

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Divorce Marriage Sex

Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

(1888 – 1973) American pioneer in the study of psychiatry
Emotions Love Marriage

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

I want to marry the kind of girl that walks out of an abortion clinic with a lollipop.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Marriage

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Government Marriage Politics

My grandmother buried three husbands… and two of them were only napping.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Death Husbands Marriage Relationships

Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it as is represented in the advertising.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Marriage

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Conflict Housework Husbands Marriage Proverbs

My wife made me a millionaire. Before she divorced me, I had three million.

professional hockey player
Divorce Hockey Marriage Misspokements Sports

Bigamy is having one wife too many; monogamy is the same.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Marriage Wives

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they' ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Marriage Men

We have a good time together, even when we’re not together

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Marriage Yogi-isms