Subject: Marriage (Page 9)

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous; whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.

(1928 – 2008) American comic (of Rowan & Martin)
Marriage

Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Marriage

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Emotions Love Marriage

All women marry beneath them.

Marriage Murphy’s Laws Women

Marriage is like a train that makes intermittent stops at children, new house, new job, new car and cruises, just to keep the trip interesting.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Marriage

From Here To Maternity

Marriage Signs

If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Marriage Money Work

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Marriage

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house; I never slept alone until after I was married.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Marriage Situations Sleep

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Autos Driving Marriage Wives

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Marriage People Wives

If a tree falls in the forest and hits my wife, but nobody else is around, does a chainsaw still make a noise?

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Marriage Wives

Cantaloupe: Gotta get married in a church.

Definitions Marriage

If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Characteristics Fear Marriage Situations

It’s really hard being a single mom nowadays – which is why I don’t have children.

American-Mexican stand-up comedian & actress
Children Family Marriage Mothers

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Conflict Marriage War

Harpo, she's a lovely person – she deserves a good husband; marry her before she finds one.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Insults Marriage People

I heard from my cat’s lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Divorce Marriage

I like being married for two reasons: 1) I got really tired of dating, and 2) I got really tired of exercising.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating Exercise Marriage Relationships

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

(1924 – ) 39th U.S. president & humanitarian
Marriage Problems Wives