Subject: Marriage » Wives (Page 2)

Satan probably wouldn’t have talked so big if God had been his wife.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Marriage Wives

If you would like to get your wife’s attention – just look comfortable!.

Marriage Wives

My wife gets all the money I make… I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Marriage Wives

My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Marriage Wives

My girlfriend say’s that I’m afraid of commitment… well she’s not my girlfriend… more a wife.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Girlfriends Marriage Relationships Wives

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Wives

I wouldn’t be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.

(1925 – 2010) American film actor
Age Marriage Wives

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Wives

Husbands are chiefly good lovers when they are betraying their wives.

(1926 – 1962) actress, sex symbol
Husbands Marriage Wives

My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Self Wives

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend; a successful woman is one who can find such a man.

(1921 – 1995) American actress
Husbands Marriage Wives

I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex; last night, she called me from a motel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Marriage Sex Speech Wives

God help the man who won’t marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her.

(1860 – 1943) British socialist, union leader & politician
Marriage Wives

You can make a lot of money in this game; just ask my ex-wives; both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Money Sports Wives

Have you heard about the woman who stabbed her husband thirty-seven times? … I admire her restraint.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Conflict Marriage Wives

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Marriage People Wives

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

Autos Marriage Things Wives

She admitted to me recently that when she first met me, she didn't really like me very much; but luckily for me, she really wanted to stay in this country.

comedian
Marriage Wives

She took my son to Costco, bought 14 pounds of Oreos – and saved us money somehow.

American stand-up comedian
Marriage Money Shopping Wives

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Death Marriage Wives

Lately, I think that my wife has been fooling around because our parrot keeps saying, ‘Give it to me hard and fast before my husband, Jon Katz, comes home; and, yes, I’d love a cracker.’

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Marriage Wives