Subject: Marriage » Wives (Page 3)

Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anesthetic.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage Wives

When she was pregnant, she would get these cravings in the middle of the night… for other men.

comedian
Marriage Wives

Have you heard about the woman who stabbed her husband thirty-seven times? … I admire her restraint.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Conflict Marriage Wives

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Communication Husbands Marriage Speech Time Wives

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking…,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

American actor & comedian
Marriage Situations Wives

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Marriage Wives

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Dogs Friends Money People Wives

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend; a successful woman is one who can find such a man.

(1921 – 1995) American actress
Husbands Marriage Wives

My wife gets all the money I make… I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Marriage Wives

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand; she lit it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Wives

I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Marriage Wives

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

One man's folly is another man's wife.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Men People Wives

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee; unfortunately, she was just coming home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Sex Wives

One day as I came home early from work… I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy, why are you doing that?” He said, “Because you came home early.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Health Marriage Wives

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Marriage Speech Wives

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

(1954 – ) Indian Professor of Journalism
Husbands Marriage Wives

Generally speaking, my wife is generally speaking.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Communication Marriage Speech Wives

Me and my wife met at a Castanet class… we clicked.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Marriage Wives

My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Self Wives