Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 10)

Well, shut my mouth.

Miscellaneous

He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.

Miscellaneous

Two old maids on a beach, streaker ran past… one had a stroke, the other one couldn't reach.

(1930 – 2007) English comedian & nightclub owner
Miscellaneous Wordplay

He can get glad the same way he got mad, or else he's gon' die unhappy.

Miscellaneous

She could make the Pope kick out a stained glass window.

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Finer than frog's hair

Miscellaneous

I wonder if Dracula ever has ticks.

Miscellaneous

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

Miscellaneous Occupations

… I hadn’t the heart to touch my breakfast; I told Jeeves to drink it himself.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Miscellaneous

He's gotta whole head full of simple.

Miscellaneous

Poor as gully dirt

Miscellaneous

I would like to buy him for what he is worth and sell him for what he thinks he is worth.

Miscellaneous

He’s busier than a one legged man in a butt kickin’ contest.

Miscellaneous

I guess one of the funniest memories of my grandfather was the time I was at his house and that tied-up man with the gag in his mouth came hopping out of the closet and started yelling that he was really my grandfather and the other guy was an impostor and to run for help.

Miscellaneous

Those wise decisions you make when you’re young are those foolish ones you’ll live with when your old.

Miscellaneous

Y'all stay the night. We don’t have extra beds, but I’m sure we can find a nail to hang you on.

Miscellaneous

If growing up in the ’80s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found a treasure map by now.


Miscellaneous

Like a sow needs a sidesaddle

Miscellaneous

Well when you go through a briar patch you don’t know which briar scratched you.

Miscellaneous

His front porch light is burnt out.

Miscellaneous

Good Heavenly Days!

Miscellaneous