Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 11)

He’s going to blow the gates of hell wide open when he goes.

Miscellaneous

Useless as tits on a boar hog

Miscellaneous

If you ever feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: first, calm down; second, come over and wash my car; third, shine all my shoes; there, isn’t that better?

Miscellaneous

Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? … it’s cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time, people are going to get out of the way… cars too!

Miscellaneous

If you make ships in a bottle, I bet the thing that really makes your heart sink is when you look in, and there at the wheel is Captain Termite.

Miscellaneous

I've had an apple out of that bag.

Miscellaneous

Uglier than the southbound end of a northbound donkey.

Miscellaneous

He’s gone to hell in a hand basket.

Miscellaneous

You look like death eating a cracker.

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Gooder than grits

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My Granpappy Don’ Smoke No Grass

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He/She’s got teeth like a rake.

Miscellaneous

Was the Buddha married? His wife would say, “Are you just going to sit around like that all day?”

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Miscellaneous

You can’t tell nobody nothing that ain’t ever been nowhere!

Miscellaneous

You’re as gay as a clutch purse on Tony night.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
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In some countries, what I did would be considered polite, especially Fartland.

Miscellaneous

I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

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Don’t judge someone until they have tossed your salad.

(1954 – ) American actor & singer
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Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.

Miscellaneous

Ducktown,  Tennessee

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I’m covered up.

Miscellaneous