Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 14)

I already know I’m going to hell, I’m just paving the road.

Miscellaneous

When I think of some of the things that have been done in the name of science, I have to cringe… no, wait, not science, vandalism; and not cringe, laugh.

Miscellaneous

If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

Lay out… (of work/school)

Miscellaneous

I’m fixin’ to show you what a whuppin’ is all about!

Miscellaneous

Like a jackass in a tin stable

Miscellaneous

Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
Miscellaneous

Nobody here but us chickens.

Miscellaneous

He's dumber than a mud fence.

Miscellaneous

She'll be late to her own funeral.

Miscellaneous

It’s funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating.

Miscellaneous

Whenever anybody says he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years. Struggle to become a parrot or something.

Miscellaneous

I’ve always felt sorry for Jesus ‘cause you know no matter what he ever did, he could never live up to his father.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

Watermelon talk

Miscellaneous

Watch him; he'll slip a baby copperhead in your pocket, then ask you for a light.

Miscellaneous

One thing a computer can do that most humans can’t is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.

Miscellaneous

I'll knock you so hard you'll see tomorrow today.

Miscellaneous

Drunk as Cooter Brown

Miscellaneous

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Miscellaneous

Slow as an iron toad

Miscellaneous

Gridlock Christmas

Miscellaneous