Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 17)

If you are 26 years old and you’re waking up under Star Wars sheets… the Force is not with you.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Miscellaneous

You can’t make a souffle rise twice.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
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Dumber than a box full of owl shit.

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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote,” so right before I die I could say “unquote.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
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I'll knock you into the middle of next week lookin' both ways for Sunday.

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… I hadn’t the heart to touch my breakfast; I told Jeeves to drink it himself.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
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You can’t tell nobody nothing that ain’t ever been nowhere!

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He was so nervous, he could thread a sewing machine while it was running.

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It’s too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

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Peter Marshall: Liberace has a new book out called The Things I…?

Paul Lynde: Put in my hair.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
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Probably one of the worst things about being a genie in a magic lamp is a little thing called “lamp stench.”

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I would like to buy him for what he is worth and sell him for what he thinks he is worth.

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Got your feathers ruffled.

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He wouldn’t know his name if it won’t written in his shorts.

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I’m fair to middlin’.

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I guess I’ll never forget her. And maybe I don't want to. Her spirit was wild, like a wild monkey. Her beauty was like a beautiful horse being ridden by a wild monkey. I forget her other qualities.

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Not only was I not the best catcher in the major leagues, I wasn’t even the best catcher on my street.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
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Let a man skin his own skunk.

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Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers

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That size don't get no bigger.

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Plastic Jesus

Miscellaneous