Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 19)

One time I don’t think you should listen to your body is when it says “I’m dead.”

Miscellaneous

Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.

(1930 – 1990) English journalist, author & media personality
Miscellaneous

If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been.

Miscellaneous

After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I’m going to try to get back and visit my skeleton at least once a year, because, “Hey, old buddy, how’s it going?”

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Instead of a bicycle built for two, what about no kinds of bicycles at all for anybody, anymore?… there, are you happy now?

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Ready with his hat and slow with his money

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I’ll snatch you bald headed.

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You need to get you some bidness!

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You can’t just let nature run wild.

(1919 – 2010) U.S. Governor (Arkansas) & Secretary of the Interior
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Thank God it wasn’t his prostate.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
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It's as cold as all git out!

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He’d argue with a wall as long as it’d stand there and take it.

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Don't get your cows runnin.

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Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands… all the rest of you… if you’ll just rattle your jewelry.

(1940 – 1980) English rock musician, singer & songwriter
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I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex.

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You’d call an alligator a lizard.

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… like a turd in the punchbowl

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He’s so ugly, he’s gotta sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

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Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Me?

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She could make a preacher cuss!

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If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

Miscellaneous