Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 19)

Not blessed with beauty…

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If she were an inch taller she'd be round.

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I was lying in bed last night and I couldn’t sleep, and I came up with an idea. So I went right home and wrote it down.

1922) American actress, comedian & television personality
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When I shake hands with a man, the first thing I do is look him right in the eye. Then I start poking my hand around in the air, like I can’t find his hand. Then, if the guy’s still there, I finally shake it.

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Jack: We are lovers.

Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
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Act like you’ve got some raisin.

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Like a spring lizard in a henhouse

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He’d argue with a wall as long as it’d stand there and take it.

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Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn’t designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese “gems” from burglars.

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I went to see a hypnotist the other night and I really enjoyed myself, which made me suspicious…

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
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Heart, We Did All We Could

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She’s totin’ the high leg.

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Are you outta’ pocket again?

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So tight you can hear him squeak when he walks

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Tighter than a new boot

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The dinner bell is always in tune.

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Some people think that drinking and driving is wrong… and I call these people the cops; sometimes you don’t have a choice, though… those kids gotta get to school.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
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Rest your features

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Like a turkey in young corn

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Fortune for reading only. Do not eat.

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Mites don’t fly this time of the year.

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