Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 21)

I've had an apple out of that bag.

Miscellaneous

The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.

Businessman
Miscellaneous

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Miscellaneous

He wants the earth and the moon with two strands of bob wire around it – and it white washed.

Miscellaneous

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that’s what REALLY throws you into a panic.

Miscellaneous

I ain’t tellin’ ya how the cow ate the cabbage.

Miscellaneous

You better get left because you ain't right.

Miscellaneous

I was lying in bed last night and I couldn’t sleep, and I came up with an idea. So I went right home and wrote it down.

1922) American actress, comedian & television personality
Miscellaneous

If I had a mineshaft, I don’t think I would just abandon it; there’s got to be a better way.

Miscellaneous

Man was predestined to have free will.

Miscellaneous

Busy as a stump-tailed cow in fly time.

Miscellaneous

In my next life, I hope I come back as a parrot, because I already know quite a few words.

Miscellaneous

That’s how the cow ate the cabbage.

Miscellaneous

I told my doctor I want to get a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don’t need one.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

Met a guy this morning with a glass eye; he didn’t tell me – it just came out in the conversation.

(1954 – ) American writer
Miscellaneous Things

Go hog wild

Miscellaneous

Busier than a one-legged man in a butt kickin' contest.

Miscellaneous

As cold as a wet Christmas

Miscellaneous

She’s lost as last years Easter egg.

Miscellaneous

You kin put your boots in the oven – but that don’t make ‘em biscuits.

Miscellaneous

I went to see a hypnotist the other night and I really enjoyed myself, which made me suspicious…

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Miscellaneous