Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 21)

He’s so skinny… looks like he swapped legs with a wasp and got cheated out of the stinger!

Miscellaneous

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

Miscellaneous Occupations

He’s not wrapped too tight.

Miscellaneous

If I was a father in a waiting room, and the nurse came out and said, “Congratulations, it’s a girl,” I think a good gag would be to get real mad and yell, “A girl!? You must have me mixed up with THAT dork!” and point to another father.

Miscellaneous

Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.

Miscellaneous

Looks like he’s been chewin’ tobacco and spittin’ in the wind.

Miscellaneous

Like a bump on a log

Miscellaneous

When poverty comes in the front door, love goes out the back.

Miscellaneous

It’s raining cats and dogs.

Miscellaneous

Tall hog at the trough

Miscellaneous

This ain’t the first time I’ve brought chicken to a fish fry.

Miscellaneous

One of the worst things you can do as an actor, I think, is to forget your lines, and then get so flustered you start stabbing the other actors.

Miscellaneous

Act like you’ve got some raisin.

Miscellaneous

He’s so slippery he’d hold his own in a pond full of eels.

Miscellaneous

I was sad, because I had no shoes, until I met a man that had no feet; so, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan’t using them!

Miscellaneous

Penny: Just you wait and see. I’m gonna romance your freakin’ ass off.

Leonard: That’s beautiful. Is that Shakespeare?

(1975 – ) American actor
Miscellaneous

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?

Miscellaneous

Rest your features

Miscellaneous

Don't get your tit in a ringer!

Miscellaneous

Cooter-backed road

Miscellaneous

Don’t start choppin’ till you’ve treed the coon.

Miscellaneous