Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 22)

Who do you favor?

Miscellaneous

Yes, so it does.

(1869 – 1931) American politician
Miscellaneous Wordplay

He’s so mean a rattlesnake bit him five times and died.

Miscellaneous

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I’d just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

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“The prisoner escaped down a rope,” said Tom condescendingly.

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You’re about as grateful as a toothache.

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I swaney, Mama shoulda named me Grace.

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You don’t get anything clean without getting something else dirty.

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I think there should be something in science called the “reindeer effect.” I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."

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Hangin’ in there like a hair in a biscuit.

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If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don’t let him just play it once or twice and then throw it away. Make him practice on it, every day, for about three hours a day. Later, he’ll thank you.

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I’m going to paint your back porch red if you keep talkin like that!

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When I shake hands with a man, the first thing I do is look him right in the eye. Then I start poking my hand around in the air, like I can’t find his hand. Then, if the guy’s still there, I finally shake it.

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Good Heavenly Days!

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Instead of putting a quarter under a kid’s pillow, how about a pine cone? … that way, he learns that ‘wishing’ isn’t going to save our national forests.

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Dumber than a sack full of hammers.

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Crazy as a sack of bees.

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That gal is gonna drop him like a hot rock.

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He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection; I guess that’s what I hated about him.

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Quicker than a cat can lick’s its ass

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When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Ya-hoo! We’re rich! But it turned out to be something different.

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