Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 22)

He’s three sheets in the wind.

Miscellaneous

If you ever reach total enlightenment while you’re drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

Miscellaneous

Well when you go through a briar patch you don’t know which briar scratched you.

Miscellaneous

Jackin yer jaw

Miscellaneous

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? And after you’re real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go to sleep.

Miscellaneous

I’m so confused I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

Miscellaneous

Busier than a cross eyed cranberry picker.

Miscellaneous

Put on the dog

Miscellaneous

Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? … it’s cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time, people are going to get out of the way… cars too!

Miscellaneous

She’s got more than one mule in her stable.

Miscellaneous

If [such and such happens] then it’s Katie bar the door.

Miscellaneous

Skinny as a rail

Miscellaneous

I’m gonna tan yer hide!

Miscellaneous

Pencil Neck Geek

Miscellaneous

Y'all stay the night. We don’t have extra beds, but I’m sure we can find a nail to hang you on.

Miscellaneous

Caught with your pants down.

Miscellaneous

A close chewer and a tight spitter.

Miscellaneous

No one is ever warmed by wool pulled over his eyes.

writer
Miscellaneous

Nervous as a cow with a bucktooth calf.

Miscellaneous

Held his hind leg.

Miscellaneous

Slower than a Sunday afternoon.

Miscellaneous