Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 23)

Why are they called apartments when they’re all stuck together?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

It's 100% easier not to do things than to do them.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Miscellaneous

Those wise decisions you make when you’re young are those foolish ones you’ll live with when your old.

Miscellaneous

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? … A pickpocket snatches watches.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Miscellaneous

You look the south end of a north bound cow.

Miscellaneous

He has to sneak up on water fountain to get a drink.

Miscellaneous

In the wake of a successful Iraqi elections President Bush’s job approval rating has jumped up to 57% or, as high school teachers call it, an ‘F’.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Miscellaneous

Who put a bee in her bonnet?

Miscellaneous

He’s not wrapped too tight.

Miscellaneous

Put it on the front door.

Miscellaneous

In the marble orchard.

Miscellaneous

If the Lord’s willing and the creeks don’t rise.

Miscellaneous

Messed up as a soup sandwich

Miscellaneous

You’re barking up the wrong tree.

Miscellaneous

You might think that the favorite plant of the porcupine is the cactus, but it’s thinking like that that has almost ruined this country.

Miscellaneous

Instead of a bicycle built for two, what about no kinds of bicycles at all for anybody, anymore?… there, are you happy now?

Miscellaneous

I wanted to be that cranky old guy that stands on his porch and yells at the neighborhood kids.

(1928 – 1994) American actor
Miscellaneous

You could grow potatoes in those dirty ears.

Miscellaneous

His mouth ain’t no prayerbook.

Miscellaneous

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: never repeat yourself.

Miscellaneous

Hornier than a two pecker'd billy goat on a hill full of ninnies.

Miscellaneous