Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 24)

Two shakes of a lamb's tail

Miscellaneous

Higher the hair, closer to God.

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Don’t Roll Those Bloodshot Eyes At Me

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A mule can’t help it if his daddy is a jackass.

Miscellaneous

Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, “You know most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group.”
Yeah, I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny.

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Crooked as a dog's hind leg.

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Who died and left the gate open?

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Whenever I start thinking that I am not living up to my potential, I remind myself of the old farmer and his fight to the death with the insane pig. It’s an exciting story, and it takes my mind off all this “potential” business.

Miscellaneous

I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads that gave us a shock whenever we did something to disobey the president; then somehow I get myself elected president.

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When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves.; and usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV.

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I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

Miscellaneous Song Titles

Talk the legs off a dead mule – or – talk the hind leg off a donkey

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Ten pounds of potatoes in a five pound sack

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Better to be the head of a fly than the buttocks of an elephant.

(1938 – 2010) Russian politician
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Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon; but some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you’d look out your little window and think, ‘Boy, I’m glad I’m not out in THAT.’

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If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

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I feel like a dog's breakfast.

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Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? … it’s cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time, people are going to get out of the way… cars too!

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Quit bein’ ugly.

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You need to dance with them what brung you.

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If you make ships in a bottle, I bet the thing that really makes your heart sink is when you look in, and there at the wheel is Captain Termite.

Miscellaneous