Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 24)

He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch.

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Like a bug arguing with a chicken

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I wonder if Dracula ever has ticks.

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Parking Space: A place occupied by someone already there.

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Skinny as a bean pole.

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Slower than a bread wagon with biscuit wheels.

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You don’t have to have a long neck to be a goose.

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Well, knock me down and call me 'Shorty'!

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Busier than a cross eyed cranberry picker.

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Don't get your tit in a ringer!

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You don’t know shit from apple butter!

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If I tell you a duck can pull a truck, shut up an hook it up.

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I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger, but with a smaller head; that way, they’d still be good as watchdogs, but they wouldn’t eat so much.

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He’s three sheets in the wind.

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Not enough brains to give himself a headache!

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Consider the daffodil; and while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, looking through your stuff.

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Happy as a pig in Palestine.

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It’s so foggy, you have to poke a hole to spit.

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She don’t have the sense God gave a gopher.

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If enough people tell you you’re dead, you ought to lay down.

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I think there should be something in science called the “reindeer effect.” I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."

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