Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 25)

Met a guy this morning with a glass eye; he didn’t tell me – it just came out in the conversation.

(1954 – ) American writer
Miscellaneous Things

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

Miscellaneous

He’s screw a snake in a sandstorm if someone’d hold it out straight for him.

Miscellaneous

If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you’re in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don’t know what to tell you.

Miscellaneous

Sat there like a bump on a log.

Miscellaneous

If I ever become a mummy, I’m going to have it so when somebody opens my lid, a boxing glove on a spring shoots out.

Miscellaneous

Less chance than a snowball in Hell.

Miscellaneous

Strong as a new well rope

Miscellaneous

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

Miscellaneous

I would like to buy him for what he is worth and sell him for what he thinks he is worth.

Miscellaneous

It is so hot… chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

Miscellaneous

If you’re an archaeologist, I bet it’s real embarrassing to put together a skull from a bunch of ancient bone fragments, but then it turns out it’s not a skull but just an old dried-out potato.

Miscellaneous

It’s hotter than the hinges of Hell.

Miscellaneous

Before a mad scientist goes mad, there’s probably a time when he’s only partially mad… and this is the time when he’s going to throw his best parties.

Miscellaneous

Hotter than two rabbits screwin’ in a wool sock!

Miscellaneous

Act like you’ve got some raisin.

Miscellaneous

We in the short rows.

Miscellaneous

I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF!

Miscellaneous

A faint heart never won a fair lady or stole a watermelon.

Miscellaneous

A mule can’t help it if his daddy is a jackass.

Miscellaneous

Cooler than a flip side of a down pillow.

Miscellaneous