Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Miscellaneous
(Page 27)
It’s too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.
Miscellaneous
Speaker: I have only ten minutes and hardly know where to begin.
Voice in the back: Begin at the ninth.
Jacob Braude
Communication
Miscellaneous
Speech
Couldn't run a bath!
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
No News, Or What Killed The Dog
Nat M. Wills
Miscellaneous
Song Titles
If my dog was ugly as you, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Just cause trouble comes visiting doesn't mean you have to offer it a place to sit down.
Miscellaneous
Don't invite trouble
Other expressions
Where there’s smoke, there’s… pollution.
Proverb
Miscellaneous
Proverbs
Pollution
Smoke
It's hotter than Georgia asphalt.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
She can burn water.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
About a poor cook
Other expressions
With every new sunrise, there is a new chance; but with every sunset, you blew it.
Miscellaneous
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
Miscellaneous
I'll knock you so hard you'll see tomorrow today.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote,” so right before I die I could say “unquote.”
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous
You’d call an alligator a lizard.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Liars
Other expressions
Fortune for reading only. Do not eat.
Fortune cookie
Miscellaneous
Slower than a Sunday afternoon.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.
Miscellaneous
I’ve always felt sorry for Jesus ‘cause you know no matter what he ever did, he could never live up to his father.
Gilbert Gottfried
(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Miscellaneous
Jesus
You weigh up the pros and cons and try to put them into chronological order.
Unknown
Miscellaneous
Steppin’ out
Country definition
Miscellaneous
Cheating on a spouse or relationship
Other expressions
Seeing someone else
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got.
Amy Dickinson
(Ask Amy) (1959 – ) American advice columnist
Miscellaneous
Achievement
Page 27 of 75
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