Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 27)

Who's pluckin' this chicken, me or you?

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?

I’d like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it.

Bless your pea-pickin' heart.

They say the mountain holds many secrets, but the biggest is this: “I am a fake mountain.”

It's so hot that it makes me want to take off my skin and sit in my bones.

It’s so foggy, you have to poke a hole to spit.

Busier than a one-legged man in a butt kickin' contest.

His family tree is a trunk.

“Mash” the gas

Fall in for vittles.

Quicker than a cat can lick’s its ass

You’re not worth the gunpowder it’ll take to blow you away.

Only if they don't work.

(Pauline Phillips) (1918 – 2013) American advice columnist

Crazy as a dog in a hub cap factory.

I've sallyjacked the potato salad.

I went to see a hypnotist the other night and I really enjoyed myself, which made me suspicious…

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

Cute as a sack full of puppies.

Couldn't run a bath!

Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.

I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!