Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 27)

You need to count your fingers after shaking hands with him.

Miscellaneous

If you ever feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: first, calm down; second, come over and wash my car; third, shine all my shoes; there, isn’t that better?

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Mess with

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Road Humps

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I feel bad for the guys who did steroids and still suck.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Miscellaneous

He just sits there like a bump on a log.

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He has to sneak up on water fountain to get a drink.

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Like a two-forty trot

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Met a guy this morning with a glass eye; he didn’t tell me – it just came out in the conversation.

(1954 – ) American writer
Miscellaneous Things

Spring chicken

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He’d scare a horse from his oats.

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The other day I got out my can-opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, what am I doing?!

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It's hotter than Georgia asphalt.

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I’m fixin' to run over to the bank.

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Dumb as a sack of doorknobs

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Hotter than the hinges of Hell.

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He's busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kickin' contest.

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Man was predestined to have free will.

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Oooo weee… I see Christmas.

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I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

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I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I’d have all my money back.

Miscellaneous