Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 27)

He has a heart of gold… only harder.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Miscellaneous

In the first castles, I bet a common mistake was putting the torture room next to the master bedroom. Boy, you’re just not going to get good sleep that way.

Miscellaneous

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you’re not supposed to drink and drive?

(1946 – ) American comedian
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It’s like swimming through peanut butter.

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He looks like he got beat with a ugly stick.

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It's your little red wagon, you can push it or pull it.

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If you can't hang with the big dawgs, get off the porch!

Miscellaneous

Peter Marshall: Rich, what land animal has the largest eyes?

Rich Little: [doing his impersonation of her] Why, that would be Carol Channing!

(1938 – ) Canadian-American impressionist & voice actor
Miscellaneous

Looks like he’s been chewin’ tobacco and spittin’ in the wind.

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As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party

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The fool’s so lost he don’t know if he’s afoot or on horseback.

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From Debutante to Doublewide

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Eddie: Mother, are you still on the computer?

Gran: Yes, dear. Sometimes you get into a porn loop and just can’t get out.

(1925 – ) English actress
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It's coming up a cloud.

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I said to my wife, ‘Guess what I heard in the pub? … They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in this road except one’ and she said, ‘I’ll bet it’s that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23.’

typographer
Miscellaneous

I'm fixin' to go down the road a piece.

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Countrier than cornbread.

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If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas, because that’s what he’s getting.

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One-third sap and two-thirds Eleanor.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
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I have the brain of a German Shepard and the body of 16-year-old boy… they're both in my car and I want you to see them.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
Miscellaneous Wordplay

Ernest Borgnine Memorial Birthday Party

Miscellaneous