Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 27)

Couldn't run a bath!

Miscellaneous

Here’s a good joke to do during an earthquake: Straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go “Whoa! Whoa!” and flail your arms around, like you’re going to fall in.

Miscellaneous

You could grow potatoes in those dirty ears.

Miscellaneous

Don’t ever get your speedometer confused with your clock, like I did once, because the faster you go, the later you think you are.

Miscellaneous

Tall hog at the trough

Miscellaneous

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

Miscellaneous

Crazy as a sack of bees.

Miscellaneous

If you’re robbing a bank and you’re pants fall down, I think it’s okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

Miscellaneous

She’s got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth.

Miscellaneous

His family tree is a trunk.

Miscellaneous

Drier than lizard spit on a hot rock

Miscellaneous

I’m gonna have a ‘Come to Jesus’ meeting with him.

Miscellaneous

Short as a gnat's tail

Miscellaneous

Met a guy this morning with a glass eye; he didn’t tell me – it just came out in the conversation.

(1954 – ) American writer
Miscellaneous Things

I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird, and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Miscellaneous

Killer Pancake

Miscellaneous

“Mash” the gas

Miscellaneous

Crookeder than a dog’s hind leg.

Miscellaneous

In some countries, what I did would be considered polite, especially Fartland.

Miscellaneous

He’s playing possum.

Miscellaneous

It's coming up a cloud.

Miscellaneous