Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 28)

I have the brain of a German Shepard and the body of 16-year-old boy… they're both in my car and I want you to see them.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
Miscellaneous Wordplay

It’s hotter than a goat’s ass in a pepper patch.

Miscellaneous

Like a two-forty trot

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Strong as a new well rope

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Lower than the belly of a snake in a wagon track

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Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder, but not any man is capable of being a good camper… so, murder and camping are not as similar as you might think.

Miscellaneous

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Miscellaneous

The best way out is always through.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Miscellaneous

I don’t chew my cabbage twice!

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He just sits there like a bump on a log.

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That brush was so thick a dog couldn't bark in it.

Miscellaneous

I bet when they weren’t fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye-pokings to fellow Vikings and lady Vikings.

Miscellaneous

For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here’s a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?

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I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our ‘friend.’

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Madder than spit on a griddle

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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like “no he didn’t, clearly there was a struggle”.

American comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

You better get left because you ain't right.

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My boss rides me like a sway back mule.

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There is hope as long as your fishing-line is in the water.

Miscellaneous Proverbs

Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Me?

Miscellaneous

I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the world. He’d get right up next to your face and yell, and if you didn’t have the right answers, mister, you’d be peeling potatoes or changing the latrine. Hey, wait. I wasn’t in the army. Then who WAS that guy?!

Miscellaneous