Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 28)

Show your linen

Miscellaneous

A close chewer and a tight spitter.

Miscellaneous

Practical Demonkeeping


Miscellaneous

Taxidermal Therapy

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That was faster than green grass through a goose.

Miscellaneous

I’m proud of George, he’s learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse; what’s worse, it was a male horse.

(1946 – ) U.S. first lady, wife of George W. Bush
Miscellaneous

I’m as busy as a one-armed barber with hives.

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I've Never Gone to Bed with an Ugly Woman

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He’s gone to hell in a hand basket.

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Shit fire and save matches

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We didn't plan to take 'em to raise.

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Living high on the hog

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The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.

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Madder than a hornet!

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The eleventh commandment; “Thou shalt not be found out,” is the only one that is virtually impossible to keep these days.

Miscellaneous

If you ever reach total enlightenment while you’re drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

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He could sell firewood in hell.

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If I was a father in a waiting room, and the nurse came out and said, “Congratulations, it’s a girl,” I think a good gag would be to get real mad and yell, “A girl!? You must have me mixed up with THAT dork!” and point to another father.

Miscellaneous

I think my friend Jeff is gay; I don’t know – I’m so bad with names.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
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I went to see a hypnotist the other night and I really enjoyed myself, which made me suspicious…

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
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Stick with me and you'll be wearing silk underwear.

Miscellaneous