Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 29)

I feel like the underside of a turnip green.

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Bobby Wheeler: We were wondering if you would join us for a few minutes?

Jim: Well, what did you decide?

(1938 – ) American actor
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Pull in your horns.

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When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.

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If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm was finally over, I think a good name for him would be Carl.

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Well, ain’t that just tits on a duck!

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Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

(1946 – ) American comedian
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I guess I’ll never forget her. And maybe I don't want to. Her spirit was wild, like a wild monkey. Her beauty was like a beautiful horse being ridden by a wild monkey. I forget her other qualities.

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This likker is just right; if it’d been any worse, I couldn’t have drunk it; if it’d been any better, you wouldn’t have give it to me.

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He’d scare a horse from his oats.

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Peter Marshall: At NASA, what keeps the cool air running around in the spacesuits?

Paul Lynde: Itsy bitsy Eskimoes….

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Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly.

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Tight as Dick’s hatband

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It’s like swimming through peanut butter.

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Peter Marshall: Helen Gurley Brown recently said of Henry Kissinger, "His most outstanding endearing quality is his ability to make someone feel…" Feel what?

Jan Murray: His thighs.

(1916 - 2006) American stand-up comedian, actor & game show host
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Like Claude Harris’ mule

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I had a survey done on my house; eight out of 10 people said they really rather liked it.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
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If you lie down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas.

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If you make ships in a bottle, I bet the thing that really makes your heart sink is when you look in, and there at the wheel is Captain Termite.

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Who put a bee in her bonnet?

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He went after it whole hog.

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