Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 29)

When I think of all the hours and hours of my life I have spent watching television, it makes me realize, Man, I am really rich with television.

Miscellaneous

If you’re being chased by an angry bull, and then you notice you’re also being chased by a swarm of bees, it doesn’t really change things… just keep on running.

Miscellaneous

One good thing about hell, at least, is you can probably pee wherever you want to.

Miscellaneous

Good intentions are invariably ungrammatical.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Miscellaneous

Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose

(1898 – 1983) English author, playwright, journalist, composer & public speaker
Miscellaneous

She Broken My Heart, So I Broke His Jaw

Miscellaneous

Corduroy Pants

Miscellaneous

Is a pig's ass pork?

Miscellaneous

I hope that when I die, people say about me, ‘Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.’

Miscellaneous

A lot of times when you first start out on a project you think: this is never going to be finished, but then it is, and you think: Wow, it wasn’t even worth it.

Miscellaneous

Two old maids on a beach, streaker ran past… one had a stroke, the other one couldn't reach.

(1930 – 2007) English comedian & nightclub owner
Miscellaneous Wordplay

Normal,  Illinois

Miscellaneous

Road Humps

Miscellaneous

What makes Teflon stick to the pan?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
Miscellaneous

Practical Demonkeeping


Miscellaneous

Ready with his hat and slow with his money.

Miscellaneous

Never hit a baby… even if they start it.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Miscellaneous

Two ax handles acrost

Miscellaneous

I wonder if Dracula ever has ticks.

Miscellaneous

She came down the road like a Tennessee Walker.

Miscellaneous