Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 3)

So hungry my belly thinks my throat's been cut.

Miscellaneous

I don’t know her from Adam’s house cat.

Miscellaneous

That’s the worst taste I’ve had in my mouth with the lights on!

Miscellaneous

I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can’t hypnotize you.

Miscellaneous

I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote,” so right before I die I could say “unquote.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous

My boss rides me like a sway back mule.

Miscellaneous

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas.

Miscellaneous

I wouldn’t piss in his ear if his brain was on fire.

Miscellaneous

Everybody’s in the same pew

Miscellaneous

If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don’t let him just play it once or twice and then throw it away. Make him practice on it, every day, for about three hours a day. Later, he’ll thank you.

Miscellaneous

Going ninety to nothin'

Miscellaneous

Rehabilitation

Miscellaneous

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, “What was THAT?!”

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Sweating like a whore in church.

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As you will no doubt have foreseen…

(1946 – ) English media executive & newspaper editor
Miscellaneous

Not being born to parents who were accountants was probably my biggest mistake.

British boxing champion
Boxing Miscellaneous Sports

He fell ass over teakettle.

Miscellaneous

He’s so ugly, he’s gotta sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

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It's hotter than a ginger mill in Hell.

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My Granpappy Don’ Smoke No Grass

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He’s steal a chaw of tobacco out of your mouth if you yawned.

Miscellaneous