Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 3)

He was wound up tighter ‘en a bango string.

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Held his hind leg

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Had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dog would play with him.

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I’m not sure I want to get the nickname “The Love Machine,” because how does that affect my nickname now, which is “The Lawn-Cutting Machine?”

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Instead of mousetraps, what about baby traps? Not to harm the babies, but just to hold them down until they can be removed.

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I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don’t just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

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Broke out with money

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Steppin’ out

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Hangin’ in there like a hair in a biscuit.

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He has to sneak up on water fountain to get a drink.

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I could eat the horse and chase the jockey.

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Go piss up a rope.

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He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection; I guess that’s what I hated about him.

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In the first castles, I bet a common mistake was putting the torture room next to the master bedroom. Boy, you’re just not going to get good sleep that way.

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My boss rides me like a sway back mule.

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Dumb as a sack of doorknobs

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Confucius say… no time for your health today; no health for your time tomorrow.

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Big hat, no cattle

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I don’t know who St. Valentine was, but I hope he died alone, surrounded by couples.

(1972 – ) English actress & comedian
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My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage; I take that as a compliment.

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Like three feet up a bull’s ass

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