Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 3)

This ain’t the first time I’ve brought chicken to a fish fry.

Miscellaneous

A rooster one day, a feather duster the next.

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If they ever build a statue of me, I hope they don’t have me with my mouth wide open and holding a sign that says “I love rotten eggs.”

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Hangin’ in there like a hair in a biscuit.

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He couldn't pull the skin off a custard.

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You don’t get anything clean without getting something else dirty.

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Tell a story

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I'm happier than a woodpecker in a lumber yard.

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Normal,  Illinois

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I remember the last thing my nan said to me before she died; ‘What are you doing here with that hammer?’

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
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Too bad you can’t just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you’d be amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out.

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Slower than a bread wagon with biscuit wheels.

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I’ll turn him inside out and scrape him.

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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote,” so right before I die I could say “unquote.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
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… I hadn’t the heart to touch my breakfast; I told Jeeves to drink it himself.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
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He’d make a cat laugh.

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What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? … A pickpocket snatches watches.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
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Once I beat up the school bully with a baseball bat; both his arms were completely broken, which is what gave me the courage to do it.

(1956 – ) American comedian
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I would like to buy him for what he is worth and sell him for what he thinks he is worth.

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He was so nervous, he could thread a sewing machine while it was running.

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The dinner bell is always in tune.

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