Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 3)

To become a knife thrower in the circus, they probably don’t let you start off throwing at a live woman; they start you out with a little girl.

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Madder than a hornet!

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If that boy was any smarter we’d have to water him every week.

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I was as surprised as if a sheep had bit me.

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I’ve been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
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Warmin’ over old soup

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The damned thing works!

(1906 – 1971) American inventor & television pioneer
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Instead of past, present, and future, I’d prefer chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
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He’s steal a chaw of tobacco out of your mouth if you yawned.

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Like a duck looking for thunder.

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He can get glad the same way he got mad, or else he's gon' die unhappy.

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He’s gone to hell in a hand basket.

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If you’re ever giving a speech, when you start out, act nervous and get mixed up a little bit. Then, as you go along, get better and better. Then, at the end, give off a white, glowing light and have rays shoot out of you.

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Tell a story

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A little pain never hurt anyone.

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What goes over the Devil’s back comes back over his belly.

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Confucius say… no time for your health today; no health for your time tomorrow.

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I like a gal where her skin fits a little better.

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When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves; and usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV.

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Devil's beating his wife with a frying pan

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If a kid ever asks you how Santa Claus can live forever, I think a good answer is that he drinks blood.

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