Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 30)

He wouldn't go to a funeral unless he could be the corpse.

Miscellaneous

Couldn't run a bath!

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So hungry my belly thinks my throat's been cut.

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He’d have to get smarter… just to be stupid.

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As long as Pat stayed in the army

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If you are in trouble and told to go out and cut your own switch…don’t come back with a little one…that ain’t going to work for ya.

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I've Never Gone to Bed with an Ugly Woman

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Her butt is two axe handles wide.

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Many people don’t realize that playing dead can help not only with bears, but also at important business meetings.

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He won’t hit a lick at a snake.

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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote,” so right before I die I could say “unquote.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
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He couldn't pull the skin off a custard.

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Girdler,  Kentucky

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Within a lash

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Don’t let the tail wag the dog.

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Short as a gnat's tail

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Those wise decisions you make when you’re young are those foolish ones you’ll live with when your old.

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Like an old hen with one chick

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It's coming up a cloud.

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Peter Marshall: At NASA, what keeps the cool air running around in the spacesuits?

Paul Lynde: Itsy bitsy Eskimoes….

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Toward the end of the Stone Age I bet there was already a feeling that metal was just around the corner.

Miscellaneous