Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 30)

It's gonna be a gully washer.

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He was wound up tighter ‘en a bango string.

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If you go to a costume party at your boss’s house, wouldn’t you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss’s wife? … trust me, it’s not.

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Toward the end of the Stone Age I bet there was already a feeling that metal was just around the corner.

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I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather specimens and take them back to my home planet.

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That coffee's strong enough to float an iron spoon.

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It was so good it would have brought tears to a glass eye.

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Mom always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up, within reason; when I asked her what she meant by within reason, she said that I ask a lot of questions for a garbage man.

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When old dogs bark, it's time to watch out.

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Peter Marshall: Dale Evans recently revealed the three secrets behind her happy marriage with Roy Rogers. Now listen carefully… "We work together, we pray together and we're darn good…" What?

Paul Lynde: In the saddle.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
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I've Never Gone to Bed with an Ugly Woman

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I feel like I've been chewed up and spit out.

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He fell ass over teakettle.

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Southwest Airlines is like my period: it hurts my back and it’s always late.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
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It's as cold as all git out!

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Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the stilts? … it probably lasts longer, plus it moves around.

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What are all these “other dimensions” I keep hearing about? … to me, there’s only one dimension worth anything, and that’s the good ole U.S. of A.

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Hotter than a two dollar pistol.

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I guess one of the funniest memories of my grandfather was the time I was at his house and that tied-up man with the gag in his mouth came hopping out of the closet and started yelling that he was really my grandfather and the other guy was an impostor and to run for help.

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Don’t insult the alligator till you’ve crossed the stream.

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Mess with

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