Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 30)

Where you stay?

Miscellaneous

I tried water polo and my horse drowned.

(1964 – ) English comedian, writer, actor & musician
Miscellaneous

Use your head for something besides a hat rack.

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In your life, you’ve got to eat a peck of dirt.

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California Mayor Curbs Self Over Dog Poop Incident

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Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.

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If wishes were horses, some folks would need a lot of hay.

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If it was raining soup, he'd be out in the yard with a fork.

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Full of piss and vinegar

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Taxidermal Therapy

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You look like death eating a cracker.

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All the goodness of a good egg cannot make up for the badness of a bad one.

(1819 – 1897) American journalist, author & senior government official
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She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night it Was Honor and Offer

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Skin your own skunk

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I’m as busy as a one-armed barber with hives.

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Either fish or cut bait.

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I bet Neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows." Then they would get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.

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Efficiency: The knack of getting somebody to do a job you don’t like.

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The other day I got out my can-opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, what am I doing?!

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He is one ass kicking away from being a pretty nice fellow.

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I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" and I answered, "It's a Boys."

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Miscellaneous