Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 31)

I feel like the underside of a turnip green.

Miscellaneous

She's got mud all over her from bum hole to breakfast time.

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He just sits there like a bump on a log.

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Like a buzzard in a tree waiting for a mule to die

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The bell cow

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In school they told me “Practice makes perfect.” … and then they told me “Nobody’s perfect,” so then I stopped practicing.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous

You’re about as grateful as a toothache.

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Sittin' on the bedpost.

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Well, shoot me for a billygoat.

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Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy’s arm behind his back… NOW who’s asking the questions?

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If you ever feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: first, calm down; second, come over and wash my car; third, shine all my shoes; there, isn’t that better?

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He’s shorter than a mouse hole.

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I suwanne.

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I’d like to see a guy tap-dancing so fast his legs actually broke, because it would finally establish a “tap barrier,” and we could move on from there.

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Took the preachers seat

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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the f**k is the ceiling.

(1972 – ) Ghanaian-born actor & comedian
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When people say, ‘You’re breaking my heart,’ they do in fact usually men that you’re breaking their genitals.

(1932 – 1997) British journalist
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I love you a bushel and a peck.

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Ducktown,  Tennessee

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Avon In The Amazon

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A daily festival of human suffering.

American professional road racing cyclist
Miscellaneous