Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 34)

Took a heart burnin'

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Uglier than a burnt stump

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Held his hind leg.

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The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.

(1959 – ) American comedian
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I do all I can… and the easy ones twice.

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If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier in the day up on deck, I guess I’d go, but I’d try to find some excuse to leave early.

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If I had a mineshaft, I don’t think I would just abandon it; there’s got to be a better way.

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His head is full of stump water.

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Busted two sets of knee caps

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Quicker than a cat can lick’s its ass

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Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.

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If life gives you a bowl of lemons, go find an annoying guy with paper cuts.

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I've seen animals hurt worse than that get well.

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Show your linen

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There is one question that probably drives just about every vampire crazy: “Oh, do you know Dracula?”

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The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother… they’ll settle for a puppy every time.

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It's come a cloud.

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He wants the earth and the moon with two strands of bob wire around it – and it white washed.

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Oh shine!

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He could sell firewood in hell.

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They’re like two peas in a pod.

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