Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 35)

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

Speaker: I have only ten minutes and hardly know where to begin.

Voice in the back: Begin at the ninth.

Madder than a hornet!

He’s screw a snake in a sandstorm if someone’d hold it out straight for him.

Give a 50 cent answer for a nickel question.

Well, butter my biscuit.

The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother… they’ll settle for a puppy every time.

Chugged full.

He lost his hat, ass, and spats!

If [such and such happens] then it’s Katie bar the door.

He's gotta whole head full of simple.

Instead of mousetraps, what about baby traps? Not to harm the babies, but just to hold them down until they can be removed.

Like a rooster in an empty henhouse

So tight you can hear him squeak when he walks

Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud!

She couldn't keep her dress down.

He is just a hole in search of donut.

He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection; I guess that’s what I hated about him.

Like a dose of salts through a widow woman.

He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection; I guess that’s what I hated about him.

Go off half-cocked