Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 36)

Too mean for Jesus, too dumb for the Devil

Miscellaneous

Only if they don't work.

(Pauline Phillips) (1918 – 2013) American advice columnist
Miscellaneous

Probably one of the worst things about being a genie in a magic lamp is a little thing called “lamp stench.”

Miscellaneous

Full of piss and vinegar

Miscellaneous

When poverty comes in the front door, love goes out the back.

Miscellaneous

You need to count your fingers after shaking hands with him.

Miscellaneous

Throw the hatchet

Miscellaneous

Like a turkey in young corn

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He took in a lot of mules.

Miscellaneous

I bet when they weren’t fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye-pokings to fellow Vikings and lady Vikings.

Miscellaneous

What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon?

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
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She can burn water.

Miscellaneous

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
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You can’t blame a worm for not wanting to go fishing.

Miscellaneous

Energizer Bunny arrested… charged with battery.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
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He ain’t a man to tie too.

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“The prisoner escaped down a rope,” said Tom condescendingly.

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I remember the last thing my nan said to me before she died; ‘What are you doing here with that hammer?’

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
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Not particularly handsome

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Sip 'N See

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Chew the bark off

Miscellaneous