Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 36)

He acts like he is 10 feet tall and bullet proof.

Miscellaneous

In the first castles, I bet a common mistake was putting the torture room next to the master bedroom. Boy, you’re just not going to get good sleep that way.

Miscellaneous

The only hope of deciphering her invitations, someone said, was to pin them up on the wall and run past them!

(1907 – 1999) English publisher & editor
Miscellaneous

Creaking doors hang the longest.

Miscellaneous

One time I don’t think you should listen to your body is when it says “I’m dead.”

Miscellaneous

I feel like a lost ball in a high weed.

Miscellaneous

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas.

Miscellaneous

This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar;’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

It’s hotter than a fritter!

Miscellaneous

One thing a computer can do that most humans can’t is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.

Miscellaneous

Got a face like a mile of unpaved road.

Miscellaneous

That gumbo will make a Chihuahua break a chain.

Miscellaneous

Looks like you came to a goat’s house for wool!

Miscellaneous

If I lived back in the olden days, and the doctor put leeches on me, I’d tell him to put them on my face, in the shape of a beard, so I could see how I’d look.

Miscellaneous

Lay out of work or school

Miscellaneous

It’s cold enough to freeze a turkey off the roost.

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I ate dinner last night at a friend of mine’s house and he has – what do you call those things? … a baby.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Miscellaneous

Tight as Dick’s hatband

Miscellaneous

I don’t know whether to help you or euthanize you.

(1980 – ) Canadian actor, director, writer & musician
Miscellaneous

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Miscellaneous