Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 37)

I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves.

Granny Scrooch

The apple never falls too far from the tree.

Empty as a winter rain barrel.

They’re like two cats in a sack.

So ugly the tide wouldn’t take her out.

It's hotter than a pair of jumper cables at at redneck picnic.

Where do you fall?

Lay out… (of work/school)

He’s a good ol’ dog, but sometimes he sh*ts to close to the porch.

A near man with a dollar.

Road Humps

It’s been saucered and blowed.

In the first castles, I bet a common mistake was putting the torture room next to the master bedroom. Boy, you’re just not going to get good sleep that way.

If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier in the day up on deck, I guess I’d go, but I’d try to find some excuse to leave early.

You look like death eating a cracker.

Couldn't run a bath!

Give a man a fish and it will feed him for a day, give the man a fishing rod and he will sell it for more fish, or burn it for firewood.

(1968 – ) English impressionist & comedian

He’s busier than a one legged man in a butt kickin’ contest.

To me, clowns aren’t funny, they’re kind of scary; I’ve wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

I don’t know which is worse… that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)