Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 37)

I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves.

Miscellaneous

Granny Scrooch

Miscellaneous

The apple never falls too far from the tree.

Miscellaneous

Empty as a winter rain barrel.

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They’re like two cats in a sack.

Miscellaneous

So ugly the tide wouldn’t take her out.

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It's hotter than a pair of jumper cables at at redneck picnic.

Miscellaneous

Where do you fall?

Miscellaneous

Lay out… (of work/school)

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He’s a good ol’ dog, but sometimes he sh*ts to close to the porch.

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A near man with a dollar.

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Road Humps

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It’s been saucered and blowed.

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In the first castles, I bet a common mistake was putting the torture room next to the master bedroom. Boy, you’re just not going to get good sleep that way.

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If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier in the day up on deck, I guess I’d go, but I’d try to find some excuse to leave early.

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You look like death eating a cracker.

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Couldn't run a bath!

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Give a man a fish and it will feed him for a day, give the man a fishing rod and he will sell it for more fish, or burn it for firewood.

(1968 – ) English impressionist & comedian
Miscellaneous Proverbs

He’s busier than a one legged man in a butt kickin’ contest.

Miscellaneous

To me, clowns aren’t funny, they’re kind of scary; I’ve wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

Miscellaneous

I don’t know which is worse… that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Miscellaneous