Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 38)

He's so thin he had to stand twice in the same place to make a shadow.

Miscellaneous

The only hope of deciphering her invitations, someone said, was to pin them up on the wall and run past them!

(1907 – 1999) English publisher & editor
Miscellaneous

“I’ve grown fat on the contents of charity packages,” said Tom carefully.

Miscellaneous

I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.

Miscellaneous

He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

Miscellaneous

The Origin of Feces: What Excrement Tells Us about Evolution, Ecology, and a Sustainable Society

Miscellaneous

Oprah Winfrey has named her new $51 million estate ‘Tara 2,’ after Scarlett O’Hara’s plantation in Gone With The Wind; meanwhile, Sally Jessy Raphael has named her new estate Apartment 4B.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host
Miscellaneous

Does a bear shit in the woods?

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Avon In The Amazon

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Refried Dreams

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I’ll cloud up and rain all over you.

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The best way to behave is to misbehave.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Miscellaneous

That brush was so thick a dog couldn't bark in it.

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To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m turning my house into an Italian restaurant.

American comedian & writer
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He’s so tight when he blinks his eyes his toe’s curl up.

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I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I’d just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

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That dog won't hunt.

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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the f**k is the ceiling.

(1972 – ) Ghanaian-born actor & comedian
Miscellaneous

Well, ain’t that just tits on a duck!

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Jesus Loves Me But He Can’t Stand You

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Remember, blood is not only much thicker than water, it’s much more difficult to get out of the carpet.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Miscellaneous