Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 38)

80 Proof Bottle of Tear Stopper

Miscellaneous

I’m going to paint your back porch red if you keep talkin like that!

Miscellaneous

Bank walker

Miscellaneous

Lost as a goose in a snowstorm

Miscellaneous

He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.

Miscellaneous

It’s cold enough to freeze a turkey off the roost.

Miscellaneous

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for “better treatment”? … I’d ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you’d probably be able to get a lot of free games.

Miscellaneous

Lay out of work or school

Miscellaneous

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don’t think I’d call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store.

Miscellaneous

This is gooder'n grits.

Miscellaneous

My Granpappy Don’ Smoke No Grass

Miscellaneous

Why is there so much pressure to spend Independence Day with other people?

American actress, comedian, writer & musician
Miscellaneous

What are all these “other dimensions” I keep hearing about? … to me, there’s only one dimension worth anything, and that’s the good ole U.S. of A.

Miscellaneous

(I Keep) Throwing Good Love After Bad

Miscellaneous

Gooder than grits

Miscellaneous

The bell cow

Miscellaneous

Had a hard row to hoe

Miscellaneous

It's hotter than a ginger mill in Hell.

Miscellaneous

Going to hell in a handbasket

Miscellaneous

The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.

Businessman
Miscellaneous

There is one question that probably drives just about every vampire crazy: “Oh, do you know Dracula?”

Miscellaneous