Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 39)

If you need somebody to push you in the creek, just lemme know.

Miscellaneous

Ernest Borgnine Memorial Birthday Party

Miscellaneous

Colder than a stepmother’s kiss

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I do not see why I should break my neck because a dog chooses to run after a nasty smell.

(1848 – 1930) British Conservative politician & statesman
Miscellaneous

Spread the table.

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I feel like I've been chewed up and spit out.

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If you can’t give me your word of honor, will you give me your promise?

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Miscellaneous

Finer than frog's hair

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“I’m falling into a void,” said Tom flawlessly.

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Sittin' on the bedpost.

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I’m so confused I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

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You couldn’t catch a catfish in a coffee cup.

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If you’re robbing a bank and you’re pants fall down, I think it’s okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

Miscellaneous

Talk to the table.

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That coffee's strong enough to float an iron spoon.

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Here’s a good joke to do during an earthquake: Straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go “Whoa! Whoa!” and flail your arms around, like you’re going to fall in.

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Lower than a snake’s belly

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I was as surprised as if a sheep had bit me.

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Well, that just frosts my ankles!

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FREE Mullet Removal

Miscellaneous

I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

Miscellaneous