Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 39)

Like a jackass in a tin stable

Miscellaneous

I tried water polo and my horse drowned.

(1964 – ) English comedian, writer, actor & musician
Miscellaneous

Just cause trouble comes visiting doesn't mean you have to offer it a place to sit down.

Miscellaneous

It’s easy to sit and scoff at an old man’s folly… but also, check out his Adam’s apple!

Miscellaneous

Spread the table.

Miscellaneous

There is only one immutable law in life – in a gentleman’s toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.

(1926 – 2009) Irish dramatist, television writer & essayist
Miscellaneous

When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, “No speaka English.”

Miscellaneous

Eddie: Mother, are you still on the computer?

Gran: Yes, dear. Sometimes you get into a porn loop and just can’t get out.

(1925 – ) English actress
Miscellaneous

Spent the last 3 days, alone, trying to learn escapology… I need to get out more.

(1980 – ) English magician & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

We don’t air our dirty laundry out in public.

Miscellaneous

Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn’t designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese “gems” from burglars.

Miscellaneous

That ain't worth the powder to blow it to hell.

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He’s three sheets in the wind.

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From Debutante to Doublewide

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Jesus Loves You But I Don’t

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Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.

(1894 – 1963) English writer
Characteristics Miscellaneous

Taxidermal Therapy

Miscellaneous

Whenever anybody says he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years. Struggle to become a parrot or something.

Miscellaneous

Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!

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Sunday-go-to-meeting clothes

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I'll snatch you baldheaded.

Miscellaneous