Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 39)

Too bad you can’t just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you’d be amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out.

Miscellaneous

You know what makes good hair for a snowman? … real hair; don’t ask me why, but it works.

Miscellaneous

For the record, folks; I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
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I never made a mistake in my life… I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
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If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

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He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

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You look like five miles of bad road.

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I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died.

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When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves; and usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV.

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Useful as a broken leg.

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She looked like death eating a cracker.

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Turn of the sun

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She’s possum ugly.

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I’ll Marry You Tomorrow (But Let’s Honeymoon Tonite)

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Remember, blood is not only much thicker than water, it’s much more difficult to get out of the carpet.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
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When poverty comes in the front door, love goes out the back.

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He didn't get there on a paved road.

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Never laugh at a man, until you have walked a mile in his shoes; then you are a mile away, and you have his shoes.

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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote,” so right before I die I could say “unquote.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
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I feel like a dog's breakfast.

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This mall Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
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