Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 39)

The Origin of Feces: What Excrement Tells Us about Evolution, Ecology, and a Sustainable Society

Miscellaneous

I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!

Miscellaneous

Who do you favor?

Miscellaneous

I think there probably should be a rule that if you’re talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it’s understood that you mean lengthwise loaves; otherwise, it makes no sense.

Miscellaneous

I’d shake his hand, but I think that’s what’s holding up his pants.

(1961 – ) American comedian, actor & talk show host
Miscellaneous

What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?

(1898 – 1956) German poet, playwright & theater director
Miscellaneous

If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say “How do you figger that!” real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

Miscellaneous

Tight as Dick’s hatband

Miscellaneous

Greener than goose shit

Miscellaneous

No more sense than last year’s bird nest.

Miscellaneous

Beard,  West Virginia

Miscellaneous

He looks like he stepped out of a bandbox.

Miscellaneous

I wish a robot would get elected president; that way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

Miscellaneous

I've seen animals hurt worse than that get well.

Miscellaneous

A little pain never hurt anyone.

Miscellaneous

I don’t know who St. Valentine was, but I hope he died alone, surrounded by couples.

(1972 – ) English actress & comedian
Miscellaneous

I feel like I've been chewed up and spit out.

Miscellaneous

I've sallyjacked the potato salad.

Miscellaneous

Unfortunately, all Coach Carter taught me was that I can actually scratch the first four verses of Revelations into the back of a theater chair with my fingernail in a little under two hours.

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Miscellaneous Reviews/Criticism

Throw the hatchet

Miscellaneous

A fine howdy-do

Miscellaneous