Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 4)

He is ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag.

Miscellaneous

If life gives you a bowl of lemons, go find an annoying guy with paper cuts.

Miscellaneous

You couldn't hit sand if you fell off a camel.

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Mend fences.

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I read that when the archaeologists dug down into the ancient cemetery, they found fragments of human bones! What kind of barbarians were these people, anyway?

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Dr. Phil is hiding something; otherwise, why wouldn’t he use his last name?

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Miscellaneous

I wish somebody would invent a fruit that had no seeds, tasted delicious, and would scream when you ate it.

Miscellaneous

Like Claude Harris’ mule

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He acts like he’s ten feet tall and bullet-proof.

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He's busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kickin' contest.

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The land that had nourished him and had borne him fruit now turned against him and called him a fruit. Man, I hate land like that.

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Shut the light.

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He’s just loudin’ off.

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Mind that frayed cord – it’ll knock your pecker into yer watchpocket!

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My Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow; and I am the only driver she ever had!

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
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You don't have the sense God gave a gnat.

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Jesus Loves You But I Don’t

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My father used to beat me with his belt… while it was still on him.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

I'm fixin' to go down the road a piece.

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I’m so poor that if it cost a nickle to go around the world, I couldn’t get out of sight.

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He's dumber than a mud fence.

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