Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 40)

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I’d just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

Miscellaneous

So good it’ll make you smack yo mama.

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It's cold enough to hang meat in here.

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There were so many people in that place, you couldn't stir 'em with a stick.

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A daily festival of human suffering.

American professional road racing cyclist
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How long is a piece of string?

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So ugly he could snag lightning

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One time I don’t think you should listen to your body is when it says “I’m dead.”

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Good intentions are invariably ungrammatical.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
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He’s got a tough row to hoe

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Eatin’ long corn

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If you can't beat ‘em join ‘em, and if you can’t join ‘em beat ‘em.

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Tight as Dick’s hatband

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Every dog should have a few fleas.

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Had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dog would play with him.

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Thank God it wasn’t his prostate.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
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If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don’t think it necessarily means you’re a hard worker; it may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.

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Her apron’s ridin’ high.

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Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy’s arm behind his back… NOW who’s asking the questions?

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She fell out of the ugly tree; and hit every branch on the way down.

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Here’s a good joke to do during an earthquake: Straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go “Whoa! Whoa!” and flail your arms around, like you’re going to fall in.

Miscellaneous