Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 40)

Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.

Miscellaneous

I bet what happened was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Miscellaneous

Old as dirt

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Bigger’n Dallas

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Someday I would like to make a movie that makes people laugh and makes people cry, and then makes them leave the theater in a quick and orderly manner so that others may come in.

Miscellaneous

You might think that the favorite plant of the porcupine is the cactus, but it’s thinking like that that has almost ruined this country.

Miscellaneous

In a coon's age.

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The Old Home Fill ’Er Up And Keep On Truckin’ Cafe

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One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don’t run with a wooden stake.

Miscellaneous

Road Humps

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I'm fixin' to go down the road a piece.

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This likker is just right; if it’d been any worse, I couldn’t have drunk it; if it’d been any better, you wouldn’t have give it to me.

Miscellaneous

He couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat.

Miscellaneous

Let’s be honest: Isn’t a lot what we call tap dancing really just nerves?

Entertainment Miscellaneous

I don’t pay him no nevermind.

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He ran like his feet were on fire and his ass was catchin'.

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Dumber than a barrel of hair

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If you are in trouble and told to go out and cut your own switch…don’t come back with a little one…that ain’t going to work for ya.

Miscellaneous

Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn’t designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese “gems” from burglars.

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Like a live oak limb

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As cold as a wet Christmas

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