Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 41)

Well, knock me down and call me 'Shorty'!

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One foot in the grave and another on a banana peel

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You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.

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He’d skin a flea for the hide and tallow.

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Laugh, clown, laugh; this is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo.

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I think the movie actually made my heart beat slower.

American movie critic
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I said to my wife, ‘Guess what I heard in the pub? … They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in this road except one’ and she said, ‘I’ll bet it’s that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23.’

typographer
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Shit fire and save matches

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A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
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Busier than a cross eyed cranberry picker.

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I'll slap you to sleep, then slap you for sleepin.

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Bless your pea-pickin' heart.

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Can’t hear thunder

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He gets Tuesday’s paper on Friday.

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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like “no he didn’t, clearly there was a struggle”.

American comedian & actor
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I love you a bushel and a peck.

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He's as mad as a wet hen.

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A lot of times when you first start out on a project you think: this is never going to be finished, but then it is, and you think: Wow, it wasn’t even worth it.

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I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, “What was THAT?!”

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Living high on the hog

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Advice to vampires: why not “do your business” as a bat, not a human; easier that way, and less pollution.

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