Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 41)

Instead of putting a quarter under a kid’s pillow, how about a pine cone? … that way, he learns that ‘wishing’ isn’t going to save our national forests.

Miscellaneous

Darn it, I tumped over my tea.

Miscellaneous

I feel fatter than a possum stuck in a fence hole.

Miscellaneous

If you ever reach total enlightenment while you’re drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

Miscellaneous

Shut the light.

Miscellaneous

He has enough money to burn a wet mule.

Miscellaneous

Spread the table.

Miscellaneous

If you’re being chased by an angry bull, and then you notice you’re also being chased by a swarm of bees, it doesn’t really change things… just keep on running.

Miscellaneous

Limberlost,  Missouri

Miscellaneous

Skinny as a bean pole.

Miscellaneous

I Can’t Get Over You, So Why Don’t You Get Under Me?

Miscellaneous Song Titles

I was Caesarean born; you can’t really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through the window.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous Self

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I’d just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

Miscellaneous

She looks like she was rode hard and put up wet.

Miscellaneous

More than plenty

Miscellaneous

I organized my stuff and put it in boxes… then I put labels on each of the boxes; now I have a box full of razor blades labeled “Plan B.”

American comedian
Miscellaneous

I think there is more wisdom in a single drop of rain than there is in all the books in all the libraries of the world… wait, not rain– super-concentrated brain juice.

Miscellaneous

Green as a gourd

Miscellaneous

Don’t ever get your speedometer confused with your clock, like I did once, because the faster you go, the later you think you are.

Miscellaneous

Uglier than a burnt stump

Miscellaneous

She’s so poor she ain’t got two nickels to rub together.

Miscellaneous