Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 42)

More than plenty

Miscellaneous

You ain’t worth a plug nickel.

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Well I’ll be John Brown.

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Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!

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Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic’?

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
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You’re trying to push a rope.

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He's three days older than Moses.

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Killer Pancake

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He don’t have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of.

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He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

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Spread the table.

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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? And after you’re real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go to sleep.

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It's hotter than Georgia asphalt.

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What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon?

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
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If my dog was ugly as you, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.

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One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don’t run with a wooden stake.

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It's like trying to nail Jell-O® to a wall.

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I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.

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Confucius say… no time for your health today; no health for your time tomorrow.

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The sun don't shine on the same dog's tail/behind all the time.

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How many people have never raised their hand before?

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Miscellaneous