Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 42)

Stick with me and you'll be wearing silk underwear.

Miscellaneous

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

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Stomping grounds

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A face like a welder’s bench

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In my next life, I hope I come back as a parrot, because I already know quite a few words.

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He's as happy as if he had good sense.

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The hair is in the butter.

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The other day I got out my can-opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, what am I doing?!

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A face like a robber’s dog!

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We better git on the stick!

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Faster than a scalded dog

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Most people don’t realize that two large pieces of coral painted brown and attached to the skull with common wood screws can make a child look like a deer.

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Doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.

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You can’t measure a snake till ti’t stretched out dead.

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I’m touching cotton.

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The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.

(1959 – ) American comedian
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Jesus Loves You But I Don’t

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In a coon's age.

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I bet when they weren’t fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye-pokings to fellow Vikings and lady Vikings.

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He’d skin a flea for the hide and tallow.

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Well, hush my mouth.

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