Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 42)

I feel fatter than a possum stuck in a fence hole.

Miscellaneous

There is nothing more awkward than the moment you realize you’re getting a double-cheek kiss.

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Air up your car

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Rehabilitation

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It’s hotter than the hinges of Hell.

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I'm so broke I can't afford to pay attention.

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I wish to my never.

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It’s raining like pouring piss out of a boot.

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Don’t insult the alligator till you’ve crossed the stream.

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It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

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Otterville,  Missouri

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Right as rain.

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I think they should continue the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for paneling.

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I’ll never forget the time that skunk got under the house and Grandpa went under to get him…. boy, it smelled for months… you know, that was the last time we ever saw Grandpa.

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He's as happy as if he had good sense.

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Don't let the bear get'cha.

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To “love on you”

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If you’re an ant, and you’re walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin.

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I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, “What was THAT?!”

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He has more information than a Sears Roebuck catalog.

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The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Miscellaneous