Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 42)

If you ever go temporarily insane, don’t shoot somebody, like a lot of people do; instead, try to get some weeding done, because you’d really be surprised

Miscellaneous

Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.

Miscellaneous

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

Miscellaneous

About as useful as gooseshit on a pumphandle

Miscellaneous

Fell down cup over kettle.

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Narrow between the eyes.

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Broken Groin, South Carolina

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A near man with a dollar

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Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.

Miscellaneous

I Hate When That Happens

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His brain rolls around in his head like a mustard seed in a five gallon bucket.

Miscellaneous

Like a dose of salts through a widow woman.

Miscellaneous

Anybody who has an identity problem had better wise up and get with the program!

Miscellaneous

The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother… they’ll settle for a puppy every time.

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He's as happy as if he had good sense.

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Couldn't hit a barn if you were on the inside.

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Sittin’ in the catbird seat

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Side gal

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If wishes were horses… beggars would ride.

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Dumber 'n a sack of wet mice

Miscellaneous

One time I don’t think you should listen to your body is when it says “I’m dead.”

Miscellaneous