Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 42)

No bigger than the little end of nothin’ whittled down to a fine point.

Miscellaneous

Our humility is what makes us great.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
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Fair to middlin’

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I don’t know who St. Valentine was, but I hope he died alone, surrounded by couples.

(1972 – ) English actress & comedian
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Shut the light.

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Y'all stay the night. We don’t have extra beds, but I’m sure we can find a nail to hang you on.

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If I tell you that rooster dips snuff, you better check under his wing for the can.

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I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

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He fell ass over teakettle.

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I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they’ll know this is someone else’s territory.

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Eddie: Mother, are you still on the computer?

Gran: Yes, dear. Sometimes you get into a porn loop and just can’t get out.

(1925 – ) English actress
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Peter Marshall: Liberace has a new book out called The Things I…?

Paul Lynde: Put in my hair.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
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Couldn't hit her in the butt with a red apple.

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The only hope of deciphering her invitations, someone said, was to pin them up on the wall and run past them!

(1907 – 1999) English publisher & editor
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Someday I would like to make a movie that makes people laugh and makes people cry, and then makes them leave the theater in a quick and orderly manner so that others may come in.

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Lost as a goose in a snowstorm

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He’s so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.

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Too bad Lassie didn’t know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said “Lassie, go skate for help,” she could do it.

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He is purse proud.

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Don’t keep reaching for the stars because you’ll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host
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I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our ‘friend.’

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