Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 43)

If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don’t think it necessarily means you’re a hard worker; it may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.

Miscellaneous

It’s like swimming through peanut butter.

Miscellaneous

Crazy as a dog in a hub cap factory.

Miscellaneous

Purty as a picture

Miscellaneous

Treated him like a red-headed stepchild.

Miscellaneous

One bad thing about Lassie, she was always warning you about something; let me be surprised for a change.

Miscellaneous

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon… but it never really took off.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

Every old crow thinks hers are the blackest.

Miscellaneous

I could eat the horse and chase the jockey.

Miscellaneous

No fly ever lit on her.

Miscellaneous

She's got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth.

Miscellaneous

Useful as a broken leg.

Miscellaneous

She’s possum ugly.

Miscellaneous

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he’d head off and go fishing; but we wouldn’t be laughing that evening when he’d come back with some whore he picked up in town.

Miscellaneous

Madder than a hornet!

Miscellaneous

Happy as a clam at high tide

Miscellaneous

Some people think that drinking and driving is wrong… and I call these people the cops; sometimes you don’t have a choice, though… those kids gotta get to school.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Miscellaneous

Stronger’n a garlic milkshake

Miscellaneous

People were always talking about how mean this guy was who lived on our block. But I decided to go see for myself. I went to his door, but he said he wasn’t the mean guy, the mean guy lived in that house over there. “No, you idiot,” I said, “that’s my house.”

Miscellaneous

Turn the truth

Miscellaneous

Short as a gnat's tail

Miscellaneous