Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 43)

If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

She’d make a freight train take a dirt road.

Miscellaneous

I guess we were all guilty, in a way; we all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, “I helped skin Bob.”

Miscellaneous

Lost as a goose in a snowstorm

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He don’t have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of.

Miscellaneous

They never could set horses.

Miscellaneous

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: never repeat yourself.

Miscellaneous

Boy howdy!

Miscellaneous

Jesus Loves You But I Don’t

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You don’t have to have a long neck to be a goose.

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When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Ya-hoo! We’re rich! But it turned out to be something different.

Miscellaneous

This ain't my first rodeo.

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I don’t know which is worse… that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
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If you’re a cowboy and you’re dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

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Who's pluckin' this chicken, me or you?

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You want to get three feet up a bull’s ass, just listen to the whisperings of sweethearts.

(1954 – 2008) British film director, playwright & screenwriter
Miscellaneous

We don’t air our dirty laundry out in public.

Miscellaneous

He’s so chincy, he can call his every dollar by its first name.

Frugal Miscellaneous Money

When I shake hands with a man, the first thing I do is look him right in the eye. Then I start poking my hand around in the air, like I can’t find his hand. Then, if the guy’s still there, I finally shake it.

Miscellaneous

The thing I don’t get about pedophilia… why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Miscellaneous

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Miscellaneous