Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 44)

A fine howdy-do

Like a rooster in an empty henhouse

Not particularly handsome

He has a face made for radio.

I’m so confused I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

Parking Space: A place occupied by someone already there.

Snake the kivvers

Hay is just the first stage of bullshit.

Limberlost,  Missouri

Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

(1946 – ) American comedian

Instead of mousetraps, what about baby traps? Not to harm the babies, but just to hold them down until they can be removed.

Slower than a Sunday afternoon.

He don’t use his kindlin’ to get a fire started.

Pencil Neck Geek

About as useful as buttons on a dishrag

I don’t do quagmires.

(1932 – ) American businessman & U.S. Secretary of Defense

My boss rides me like a sway back mule.

If you ever feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: first, calm down; second, come over and wash my car; third, shine all my shoes; there, isn’t that better?

In some places it’s known as a tornado – In others, a cyclone… nd in still others, the Idiot’s Merry-go round; but around here they’ll always be known as screw-boys.

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head’s showing and gone ‘Philip, look at me! I’m a stamp!'

(1980 – ) English comedian, television and radio presenter & actor

He was grinnin' like a possum eatin' briars.