Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 44)

I’m so poor that if it cost a nickle to go around the world, I couldn’t get out of sight.

Miscellaneous

So dry he had the rattles

Miscellaneous

He was so nervous, he could thread a sewing machine while it was running.

Miscellaneous

I guess one of the funniest memories of my grandfather was the time I was at his house and that tied-up man with the gag in his mouth came hopping out of the closet and started yelling that he was really my grandfather and the other guy was an impostor and to run for help.

Miscellaneous

Here’s a picture of me with R.E.M.; that’s me in the corner.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Miscellaneous

Gooder’n snuff and not half as dusty

Miscellaneous

I feel like a lost ball in a high weed.

Miscellaneous

Don’t care if I do.

Miscellaneous

I’m so mad I could eat barbed wire and spit nails.

Miscellaneous

I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around.

Miscellaneous

Fixments

Miscellaneous

If you can't beat ‘em join ‘em, and if you can’t join ‘em beat ‘em.

Miscellaneous

Uglier than a mud fence

Miscellaneous

Who's pluckin' this chicken, me or you?

Miscellaneous

Flat as a fritter.

Miscellaneous

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say, “I swallowed it. So sue me.”

Miscellaneous

Wasn’t to no age.

Miscellaneous

He can get glad the same way he got mad, or else he's gon' die unhappy.

Miscellaneous

So hungry my belly thinks my throat's been cut.

Miscellaneous

Braggin’ dog

Miscellaneous

I don’t do quagmires.

(1932 – ) American businessman & U.S. Secretary of Defense
Miscellaneous