Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 44)

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don’t run with a wooden stake.

Miscellaneous

Bigger’n Dallas

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Someday I would like to make a movie that makes people laugh and makes people cry, and then makes them leave the theater in a quick and orderly manner so that others may come in.

Miscellaneous

Advice to vampires: why not “do your business” as a bat, not a human; easier that way, and less pollution.

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Bless your pea-pickin' heart.

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Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,

Sermons and soda-water the day after.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
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It’s been saucered and blowed.

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It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
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He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.

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Chestnut time

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One time I don’t think you should listen to your body is when it says “I’m dead.”

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Crookeder than a dog’s hind leg.

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It's gonna be a gully washer.

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I have a plan, but … If I win, I don’t want to broadcast to the enemy exactly what my plan is.

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Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary

(1956 – ) American humorist, comedian & author
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Just as irrigation is the lifeblood of the Southwest, lifeblood is the soup of cannibals.

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Though a scant 100 minutes long, After Earth feels longer and slower than your average PBS pledge drive.

writer, editor & film reviewer
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Who died and left the gate open?

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Get a hump on

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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
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He’s shorter than a mouse hole.

Miscellaneous