Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 44)

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don’t run with a wooden stake.

Bigger’n Dallas

Someday I would like to make a movie that makes people laugh and makes people cry, and then makes them leave the theater in a quick and orderly manner so that others may come in.

Advice to vampires: why not “do your business” as a bat, not a human; easier that way, and less pollution.

Bless your pea-pickin' heart.

Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,

Sermons and soda-water the day after.

(1788 – 1824) English poet

It’s been saucered and blowed.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor

He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.

Chestnut time

One time I don’t think you should listen to your body is when it says “I’m dead.”

Crookeder than a dog’s hind leg.

It's gonna be a gully washer.

I have a plan, but … If I win, I don’t want to broadcast to the enemy exactly what my plan is.

Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary

(1956 – ) American humorist, comedian & author

Just as irrigation is the lifeblood of the Southwest, lifeblood is the soup of cannibals.

Though a scant 100 minutes long, After Earth feels longer and slower than your average PBS pledge drive.

writer, editor & film reviewer

Who died and left the gate open?

Get a hump on

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

He’s shorter than a mouse hole.