Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 45)

It’s so good, it makes you want to slap your momma!

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I am going to jerk a knot in your tail.

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He’d make a cat laugh.

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Air up your car

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The Alcohall Of Fame

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In the first castles, I bet a common mistake was putting the torture room next to the master bedroom. Boy, you’re just not going to get good sleep that way.

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If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say, “I swallowed it. So sue me.”

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The worst misfortune that can happen to an ordinary man is to have an extraordinary father.

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Too bad you can’t just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you’d be amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out.

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If all the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do all the audiences come from?

(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter
Entertainment Miscellaneous

Dumber than a sack full of hammers.

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I have my doubts about disbelief.

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That was back when Christ wore knee-britches.

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The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
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Go off half-cocked

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I’d rather have a broke back in hell.

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He won’t hit a lick at a snake.

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I’ve got an accountant who’s been with me forty years; if he makes a mistake, he dies.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
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I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

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If it was raining soup, he'd be out in the yard with a fork.

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Born short and slapped down flat

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