Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 45)

I bet when they weren’t fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye-pokings to fellow Vikings and lady Vikings.

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What a bunch of potlickers

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Witch Doctor

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If you lie down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas.

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If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you’re in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don’t know what to tell you.

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No fly ever lit on her.

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When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Ya-hoo! We’re rich! But it turned out to be something different.

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She’s so ugly her feet wouldn’t go to bed with her!

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About as useful as buttons on a dishrag

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If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say “How do you figger that!” real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

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The water won’t clear till you get the hogs out of the creek.

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He’s gone to hell in a hand basket.

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The bell cow

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What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?

(1898 – 1956) German poet, playwright & theater director
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I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather specimens and take them back to my home planet.

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Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

(1946 – ) American comedian
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Don’t jus’ stand there with yer fanger in yer mouth!

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I wish a robot would get elected president; that way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

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Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we’re not ready; but maybe they’ll change their tune after a little torture.

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A little pain never hurt anyone.

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Looking at me like a cow at a new fence.

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