Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 46)

Full of piss and vinegar

Miscellaneous

If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier in the day up on deck, I guess I’d go, but I’d try to find some excuse to leave early.

Miscellaneous

My Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow; and I am the only driver she ever had!

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Miscellaneous

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?

Miscellaneous

Crying like a pine knot in a sawmill.

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Is a pig's ass pork?

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It’s as hot as blue blazes.

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If I ever get burned beyond recognition, and you can’t decide if it’s me or not, just put my funny fisherman’s hat on my head. “See, it’s me!”

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Jesus Loves Me But He Can’t Stand You

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His brain rolls around in his head like a mustard seed in a five gallon bucket.

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He’d complain if you hung him with a new rope.

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I am going to jerk a knot in your tail.

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Well, that puts the tassel on the cap.

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I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they’ll know this is someone else’s territory.

Miscellaneous

Rough as a cob

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It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.

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I wish to my never.

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I’d like to kiss you, but I just washed my hair.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Miscellaneous

Boy, I will walk a mud hole in you and stomp it dry.

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I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around.

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Give down the country.

Miscellaneous