Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 46)

When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven; It might be a trick, but if it’s not, mmmm, boy.

Miscellaneous

I think there is more wisdom in a single drop of rain than there is in all the books in all the libraries of the world… wait, not rain– super-concentrated brain juice.

Miscellaneous

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don’t run with wooden stakes.

Miscellaneous

Fixments

Miscellaneous

Going ninety to nothin'

Miscellaneous

Heart, We Did All We Could

Miscellaneous

How many people have never raised their hand before?

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Miscellaneous

What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: “Why is it so dark in here?”

(1948 – ) English novelist
Miscellaneous

If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one.

Miscellaneous

That was back when Christ wore knee-britches.

Miscellaneous

Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Miscellaneous

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? And after you’re real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go to sleep.

Miscellaneous

Crazy as a sack of bees.

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One-third sap and two-thirds Eleanor.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Miscellaneous

Couldn't hit her in the butt with a red apple.

Miscellaneous

During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were ‘just going down to the corner.’

Miscellaneous

All the dress shops are sold out in Washington. It’s hard to find a great dress for this inauguration.

(1946 – ) American cretin & 45th U.S. president
Miscellaneous

You’re like the dog that caught the car.

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Full of piss and vinegar

Miscellaneous

Jesus Loves You But I Don’t

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Fair to middlin’

Miscellaneous