Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 46)

I said to my wife, ‘Guess what I heard in the pub? … They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in this road except one’ and she said, ‘I’ll bet it’s that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23.’

typographer
Miscellaneous

He’s so ugly, he’d stop an eight-day clock.

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Get a hump on

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She’s possum ugly.

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I’ll cloud up and rain all over you.

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If he had a brain and was a bird, he’d fly backwards.

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All the dress shops are sold out in Washington. It’s hard to find a great dress for this inauguration.

(1946 – ) American cretin & 45th U.S. president
Miscellaneous

Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon; but some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you’d look out your little window and think, ‘Boy, I’m glad I’m not out in THAT.’

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Don't gobble in the woods during hunting season.

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Colder than a well digger's ass

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If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say “How do you figger that!” real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

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All the goodness of a good egg cannot make up for the badness of a bad one.

(1819 – 1897) American journalist, author & senior government official
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I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they’ll know this is someone else’s territory.

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Looks like you came to a goat’s house for wool!

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Women wear a pair of panties but only one bra.

(1946 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing Miscellaneous

You don’t get anything clean without getting something else dirty.

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If I was a cowboy in a lynch mob, I think I’d try to stay near the back; that way, if somebody shamed us into disbanding, I could sort of slip off to the side and pretend I was window-shopping or something.

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A face like a welder’s bench

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What in the Sam Hill are you doing?

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Eddie: Mother, are you still on the computer?

Gran: Yes, dear. Sometimes you get into a porn loop and just can’t get out.

(1925 – ) English actress
Miscellaneous

There’s a world that we know nothing about, that we can only imagine… and that is the world of books.

Miscellaneous