Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Subject:
Miscellaneous
(Page 46)
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven; It might be a trick, but if it’s not, mmmm, boy.
Miscellaneous
I think there is more wisdom in a single drop of rain than there is in all the books in all the libraries of the world… wait, not rain– super-concentrated brain juice.
Miscellaneous
One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don’t run with wooden stakes.
Miscellaneous
Fixments
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Household furnishings
Other expressions
Going ninety to nothin'
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Busy
Fast
Other expressions
Heart, We Did All We Could
Unknown
Miscellaneous
Written by Ned Miller & Teddi Barra
How many people have never raised their hand before?
Steve Martin
(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Miscellaneous
What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: “Why is it so dark in here?”
Terry Pratchett
(1948 – ) English novelist
Miscellaneous
Ancestors
If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one.
Russian proverb
Miscellaneous
Focus
That was back when Christ wore knee-britches.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
a long time ago
Other expressions
Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.
Anonymous
Miscellaneous
Liberty
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? And after you’re real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go to sleep.
Miscellaneous
Crazy as a sack of bees.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Crazy
Other expressions
One-third sap and two-thirds Eleanor.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Miscellaneous
On President Franklin D. Roosevelt
Couldn't hit her in the butt with a red apple.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Refers to someone very happy or content about something
During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were ‘just going down to the corner.’
Miscellaneous
All the dress shops are sold out in Washington. It’s hard to find a great dress for this inauguration.
Donald J. Trump
(1946 – ) American cretin & 45th U.S. president
Miscellaneous
Jan. 8 2017
You’re like the dog that caught the car.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Proud
Self satisfied
Full of piss and vinegar
Expression
Miscellaneous
Full of energy
Other expressions
Jesus Loves You But I Don’t
Almighty
Miscellaneous
Fair to middlin’
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Okay
Other expressions
So so
Page 46 of 75
« First
« Previous
44
45
46
47
48
Next »
Last »