Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 47)

You’re like the dog that caught the car.

Miscellaneous

If you can paint a really good picture of a cow, you don’t have to write the word “cow” under it.

(1896 – 1985) U.S. senator (North Carolina)
Miscellaneous

Crooked as a snake's back.

Miscellaneous

I’d like to see a guy tap-dancing so fast his legs actually broke, because it would finally establish a “tap barrier,” and we could move on from there.

Miscellaneous

Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.

(1894 – 1963) English writer
Characteristics Miscellaneous

Hotter than the hinges of Hell.

Miscellaneous

Deader than a door nail

Miscellaneous

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

He would steal the shitball from a blind tumblebug, give him a marble and put him on the wrong road home.

Miscellaneous

Rarely has the phrase "going through the motions" felt more fitting.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Miscellaneous

Sharp as a ball peen hammer.

Miscellaneous

It’s raining cats and dogs.

Miscellaneous

As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party.

Miscellaneous

I think there probably should be a rule that if you’re talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it’s understood that you mean lengthwise loaves; otherwise, it makes no sense.

Miscellaneous

Speaker: I have only ten minutes and hardly know where to begin.

Voice in the back: Begin at the ninth.

Communication Miscellaneous Speech

I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!

Miscellaneous

If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier in the day up on deck, I guess I’d go, but I’d try to find some excuse to leave early.

Miscellaneous

I’d like to see a movie where a guy is going to die when the sand runs out of an hourglass, but then at the last minute an ant stops the sand from running out. Then the rest of the movie is about the ant.

Miscellaneous

Sober as a judge

Miscellaneous

We don’t air our dirty laundry out in public.

Miscellaneous

It’s raining pitchforks and plowhandles.

Miscellaneous