Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 48)

I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads that gave us a shock whenever we did something to disobey the president; then somehow I get myself elected president.

Miscellaneous

There’s no “I” in denial.

(1972 – ) English actor, comedian, writer, voice artist & director
Miscellaneous

I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the world. He’d get right up next to your face and yell, and if you didn’t have the right answers, mister, you’d be peeling potatoes or changing the latrine. Hey, wait. I wasn’t in the army. Then who WAS that guy?!

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A face like a cobbler’s thumb

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Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!

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Panting like a lizard on a hot rock

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I bet what happened was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

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Living high on the hog

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Bank walker

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He’s in a foggery.

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Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.

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Who Walks In When I Walk Out?

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Bumpin’ yer gums!

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In your life, you’ve got to eat a peck of dirt.

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What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: “Why is it so dark in here?”

(1948 – ) English novelist
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Be like the old lady who fell out of the wagon.

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He fell ass over teakettle.

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You Done The Wrong Woman Wrong

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If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say, “I swallowed it. So sue me.”

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It’s like swimming through peanut butter.

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There’s a world that we know nothing about, that we can only imagine… and that is the world of books.

Miscellaneous