Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 48)

She Broken My Heart, So I Broke His Jaw

Miscellaneous

Georgia buggy

Miscellaneous

You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.

Miscellaneous

Life is a constant battle between the heart and the brain; but guess who wins… the skeleton.

Miscellaneous

If you ever feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: first, calm down; second, come over and wash my car; third, shine all my shoes; there, isn’t that better?

Miscellaneous

I feel fatter than a possum stuck in a fence hole.

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Couldn't hit her in the butt with a red apple.

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If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

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She's got mud all over her from bum hole to breakfast time.

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Slower than molasses in January

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Be like the old lady who fell out of the wagon.

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If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

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I have the brain of a German Shepard and the body of 16-year-old boy… they're both in my car and I want you to see them.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
Miscellaneous Wordplay

It's hotter than a pair of jumper cables at at redneck picnic.

Miscellaneous

Railroad time

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What a bunch of potlickers

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I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

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Like an old hen with one chick

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If you’re ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don’t know how to speak the natives’ language, just say “Poppy-oomy.” I bet it means something.

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Purtier than a peach.

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Good Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise

Miscellaneous