Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 48)

He sticks to that boy like white on rice.

Miscellaneous

Slow as pond water.

Miscellaneous

Just cause trouble comes visiting doesn't mean you have to offer it a place to sit down.

Miscellaneous

Faster than a knife fight in a phone booth.

Miscellaneous

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.

(1959 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

Don’t start choppin’ till you’ve treed the coon.

Miscellaneous

You might think that the favorite plant of the porcupine is the cactus, but it’s thinking like that that has almost ruined this country.

Miscellaneous

I've Never Gone to Bed with an Ugly Woman

Miscellaneous

If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, “Can’t you make it shoot farther?” “No, I’m sorry. That’s as far as it shoots.”

Miscellaneous

Good news rarely comes in a brown envelope.

(1909 – 1976) British army officer, company director & politician
Miscellaneous

One good thing about hell, at least, is you can probably pee wherever you want to.

Miscellaneous

Prettier than a spotted heifer in a pansy patch!

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Don't gobble in the woods during hunting season.

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Spent the last 3 days, alone, trying to learn escapology… I need to get out more.

(1980 – ) English magician & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

In some places it’s known as a tornado – In others, a cyclone… nd in still others, the Idiot’s Merry-go round; but around here they’ll always be known as screw-boys.

Miscellaneous

Like getting an ox out of the ditch

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Cooter-backed road

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I think there should be something in science called the “reindeer effect.” I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."

Miscellaneous

I think I’m tryin’to get sick.

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Every dog has his day.

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I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

Miscellaneous