Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 5)

I remember the last thing my nan said to me before she died; ‘What are you doing here with that hammer?’

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

Instead of putting a quarter under a kid’s pillow, how about a pine cone? … that way, he learns that ‘wishing’ isn’t going to save our national forests.

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He’s dumber than owl shit.

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If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got.

(Ask Amy) (1959 – ) American advice columnist
Miscellaneous

If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off; you see, we build to that.

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I wouldn't give you air if you were in a jug.

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I'll hit you so hard your children will be born dizzy.

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Spread the table.

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Granny Scrooch

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A fine howdy-do

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Busy as a stump-tailed cow in fly time.

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We didn't plan to take 'em to raise.

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Skinny as a rail

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Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Me?

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Castration – The Advantages and the Disadvantages

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Plum tuckered

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Lower than a snake in a wagon track.

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Pass some words

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Well, cut my legs off and call me shorty.

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Like a duck looking for thunder.

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If you’re being chased by an angry bull, and then you notice you’re also being chased by a swarm of bees, it doesn’t really change things… just keep on running.

Miscellaneous