Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 50)

From Debutante to Doublewide

Miscellaneous

He’d skin a flea for the hide and tallow.

Miscellaneous

I’ve got an accountant who’s been with me forty years; if he makes a mistake, he dies.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection; I guess that’s what I hated about him.

Miscellaneous

Murray: Being fired is like being violated!

Sue Ann: Leave it to Murray to find a bright spot in all this.

1922) American actress, comedian & television personality
Miscellaneous

Like a bug arguing with a chicken

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She’s totin’ the high leg.

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Like a turkey in young corn

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Busier than a cross eyed cranberry picker.

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Sat there like a bump on a log.

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You’d walk her down the front row of a revival meeting.

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When a dog bites a man that is not news, but when a man bites a dog that is news.

(1819 – 1897) American journalist, author & senior government official
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I’m fixin' to run over to the bank.

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If you’re robbing a bank and you’re pants fall down, I think it’s okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

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You might as well play Hob with the hoe-handle!

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He has enough money to burn a wet mule.

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Bumpin’ yer gums!

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He’s so ugly, he’d stop an eight-day clock.

Miscellaneous

The Quotable A**hole

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You can’t make a souffle rise twice.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Miscellaneous

It's like trying to nail Jell-O® to a wall.

Miscellaneous