Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 51)

Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we’re not ready; but maybe they’ll change their tune after a little torture.

Miscellaneous

Looks like you came to a goat’s house for wool!

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Grandma, Show Us Your Tattoos

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Couldn't hit her in the butt with a red apple.

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How long is a piece of string?

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Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Me?

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If you can paint a really good picture of a cow, you don’t have to write the word “cow” under it.

(1896 – 1985) U.S. senator (North Carolina)
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Instead of past, present, and future, I’d prefer chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
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That’s the worst taste I’ve had in my mouth with the lights on!

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Slow as an iron toad

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Instead of mousetraps, what about baby traps? Not to harm the babies, but just to hold them down until they can be removed.

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I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can’t hypnotize you.

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Witch Doctor

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He's ugly enough to scare the buzzards off a gut wagon.

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Every tub has to sit on it’s own bottom.

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He was wound up tighter ‘en a bango string.

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With every new sunrise, there is a new chance; but with every sunset, you blew it.

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She Broken My Heart, So I Broke His Jaw

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… like a turd in the punchbowl

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Mind that frayed cord – it’ll knock your pecker into yer watchpocket!

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Hotter than two rabbits screwin’ in a wool sock!

Miscellaneous