Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 51)

I think there should be something in science called the “reindeer effect.” I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."

Miscellaneous

Useless as tits on a boar hog

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She is so ugly I would hire her to haunt a house.

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If you’re robbing a bank and you’re pants fall down, I think it’s okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

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There’s a world that we know nothing about, that we can only imagine… and that is the world of books.

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He could fall down walkin’ from the house to the barn.

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This mall Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
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Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.

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It's not easy to cut through a human head with a hacksaw.

(1942 – 2008) American author, producer, director & screenwriter
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It's gonna be a gully washer.

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I haven't seen you since Hector was a pup.

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This ain't my first rodeo.

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He's three days older than Moses.

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He's busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kickin' contest.

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A whistling woman and a crowing hen never comes to a very good end.

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Don't call him a cowboy, till you've seen him ride.

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Don’t start choppin’ till you’ve treed the coon.

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She’s so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

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When I shake hands with a man, the first thing I do is look him right in the eye. Then I start poking my hand around in the air, like I can’t find his hand. Then, if the guy’s still there, I finally shake it.

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What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? … A pickpocket snatches watches.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
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I’m The Urban Spaceman

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