Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Miscellaneous
(Page 51)
Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we’re not ready; but maybe they’ll change their tune after a little torture.
Miscellaneous
Looks like you came to a goat’s house for wool!
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Wanting something you don’t have
Grandma, Show Us Your Tattoos
Marilyn Rucker
Miscellaneous
Couldn't hit her in the butt with a red apple.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Refers to someone very happy or content about something
How long is a piece of string?
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
The unknown
Unpredictable
Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Me?
Ellen Bukstel
Miscellaneous
If you can paint a really good picture of a cow, you don’t have to write the word “cow” under it.
Sam Ervin
(1896 – 1985) U.S. senator (North Carolina)
Miscellaneous
According to Fred Thompson
Instead of past, present, and future, I’d prefer chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.
Ashleigh Brilliant
(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Miscellaneous
That’s the worst taste I’ve had in my mouth with the lights on!
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Taste
Slow as an iron toad
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Slow
Speed
Instead of mousetraps, what about baby traps? Not to harm the babies, but just to hold them down until they can be removed.
Miscellaneous
I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can’t hypnotize you.
Miscellaneous
Witch Doctor
David Seville
Miscellaneous
Written by David Seville
He's ugly enough to scare the buzzards off a gut wagon.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Every tub has to sit on it’s own bottom.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Responsibility
He was wound up tighter ‘en a bango string.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
High strung
Other expressions
With every new sunrise, there is a new chance; but with every sunset, you blew it.
Miscellaneous
She Broken My Heart, So I Broke His Jaw
Various artists
Miscellaneous
Written by Dan Simons & Jason Maffucci
… like a turd in the punchbowl
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Out of place
Unwanted
Mind that frayed cord – it’ll knock your pecker into yer watchpocket!
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Hotter than two rabbits screwin’ in a wool sock!
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Temperature
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