Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 53)

If Alien was my friend, I'd like to be with him when he went to the dentist. When they started drilling, he'd probably go nuts and start eating everybody. That Alien!

He’s gone to hell in a hand basket.

I’ll snatch you bald headed.

Tight as Dick’s hatband

Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist

There is only one immutable law in life – in a gentleman’s toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.

(1926 – 2009) Irish dramatist, television writer & essayist

She looked like death eating a cracker.

One of the worst things you can do as an actor, I think, is to forget your lines, and then get so flustered you start stabbing the other actors.

“The prisoner escaped down a rope,” said Tom condescendingly.

Never try to keep up with the Joneses; drag them down to your level… it’s cheaper that way.

(1908 – 1999) English writer

I feel lower than a snake in snowshoes.

Shut the light.

Throw the hatchet

It would be better to dress him than to feed him.

Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we’re not ready; but maybe they’ll change their tune after a little torture.

Too Fat Polka

That kid could break an anvil.

Can't get blood from a turnip.

You are about as grateful as a toothache.

If they ever have a haunted house for dogs, I think a good display would be a bathtub full of soapy water.

Every dog has his day.