Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 53)

Peter Marshall: Helen Gurley Brown recently said of Henry Kissinger, "His most outstanding endearing quality is his ability to make someone feel…" Feel what?

Jan Murray: His thighs.

(1916 - 2006) American stand-up comedian, actor & game show host
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Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic’?

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
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She’s so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

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I would like to buy him for what he is worth and sell him for what he thinks he is worth.

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I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

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I am going to jerk a knot in your tail.

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Ain’t got both oars in the water

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We didn't plan to take 'em to raise.

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He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.

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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: never repeat yourself.

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Turn of the sun

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Don’t keep reaching for the stars because you’ll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host
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If I had a nickname, I think I would want it to be “Prince of Weasels”, because then I could go up and bite people and they would turn around and go, “What the – ?” And then they would recognize me, and go, “Oh, it’s you, the Prince of Weasels.”

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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes; after that, who cares? … he’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
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Bumpin’ yer gums!

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Basket name

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A hangdog look

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I've sallyjacked the potato salad.

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He wants the earth and the moon with two strands of bob wire around it – and it white washed.

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If you’re ever giving a speech, when you start out, act nervous and get mixed up a little bit. Then, as you go along, get better and better. Then, at the end, give off a white, glowing light and have rays shoot out of you.

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Tall hog at the trough

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