Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 54)

Bumpin’ yer gums!

Miscellaneous

Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer

Miscellaneous

That’s how the cow ate the cabbage.

Miscellaneous

There are no requests for jugglers – only ‘Don’t juggle!’

Miscellaneous

Murray: Being fired is like being violated!

Sue Ann: Leave it to Murray to find a bright spot in all this.

1922) American actress, comedian & television personality
Miscellaneous

He don’t know daylight from dark.

Miscellaneous

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? … A pickpocket snatches watches.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Miscellaneous

We in the short rows.

Miscellaneous

Acupuncture: Waiting for a cure on pins and needles.

Miscellaneous

… as clumsy as a blind dog in a meat house.

Miscellaneous

He’d make a cat laugh.

Miscellaneous

She'll be late to her own funeral.

Miscellaneous

I organized my stuff and put it in boxes… then I put labels on each of the boxes; now I have a box full of razor blades labeled “Plan B.”

American comedian
Miscellaneous

Don't let the bear get'cha.

Miscellaneous

I love you a bushel and a peck.

Miscellaneous

Got a face like a mile of unpaved road.

Miscellaneous

Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,

Sermons and soda-water the day after.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
Miscellaneous

If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say “How do you figger that!” real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

Miscellaneous

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the f**k is the ceiling.

(1972 – ) Ghanaian-born actor & comedian
Miscellaneous

Couldn't hit her in the butt with a red apple.

Miscellaneous

Cross my heart and hope to eat my weight in goslings.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Miscellaneous