Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 54)

Meaner than a sack full of rattlesnakes.

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So dry he had the rattles

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He was wound up tighter ‘en a bango string.

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Dumber than a stump

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If I tell you that rooster dips snuff, you better check under his wing for the can.

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If you lie down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas.

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Congratulations On Your Latest Production. Am Sure It Will Look Better After It’s Been Cut.

(1892 – 1964) singer, dancer, comedian, actor & songwriter
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We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients… but we can’t scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

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That size don't get no bigger.

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She is so ugly I would hire her to haunt a house.

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Anybody who has an identity problem had better wise up and get with the program!

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In school they told me “Practice makes perfect.” … and then they told me “Nobody’s perfect,” so then I stopped practicing.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
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Peter Marshall: Olivia De Havilland once sat on something in a movie that Roy Rogers says he grew to love. What is it?

Paul Lynde: A box of Milk Duds.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
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Crying like a pine knot in a sawmill.

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He has to sneak up on water fountain to get a drink.

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Instead of a bicycle built for two, what about no kinds of bicycles at all for anybody, anymore?… there, are you happy now?

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If I ever get burned beyond recognition, and you can’t decide if it’s me or not, just put my funny fisherman’s hat on my head. “See, it’s me!”

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Can of corn

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Wild as a peach orchard hog.

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Marryin’ an’ buryin’ hat

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It's not easy to cut through a human head with a hacksaw.

(1942 – 2008) American author, producer, director & screenwriter
Miscellaneous