Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 54)

It’s probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you’re talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something?

Miscellaneous

They ate supper before they said grace.

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Not enough brains to give himself a headache!

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Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?

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He is one ass kicking away from being a pretty nice fellow.

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He’d have to get smarter… just to be stupid.

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She could talk the leg off a horse.

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Cross my heart and hope to eat my weight in goslings.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
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One way I think you can tell if you have a curse on you is if you open a box of toothpicks and they all fly up and stick in your face.

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He sticks to that boy like white on rice.

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The best way out is always through.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
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Girl, you look so good I could take you home and sop you up with a biscuit.

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You need to get you some bidness!

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Piss on the fire and call in the dogs.

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He's gotta whole head full of simple.

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Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

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Presidential ambition is a disease which can only be cured by embalming fluid.

(1903 – 1963) U.S. senator (Tennessee)
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Creaking doors hang the longest.

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Ernest Borgnine Memorial Birthday Party

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Energizer Bunny arrested… charged with battery.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
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Don't go back on your raisin'

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