Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 56)

He is purse proud.

Miscellaneous

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?

Miscellaneous

You’re not worth the gunpowder it’ll take to blow you away.

Miscellaneous

Georgia buggy

Miscellaneous

We’ve had to get a live-in nanny, ‘cos that dead one wasn’t working out.

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

He has to sneak up on water fountain to get a drink.

Miscellaneous

Have to piss like a Russian race horse.

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Man was predestined to have free will.

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In some countries, what I did would be considered polite, especially Fartland.

Miscellaneous

Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
Miscellaneous

I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can’t hypnotize you.

Miscellaneous

Like an old hen with one chick

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Go hog wild

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He's ugly enough to scare the buzzards off a gut wagon.

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He's dumber than a mud fence.

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Hotter than the hinges of Hell.

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So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

Sweating like a whore in church.

Miscellaneous

I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves.

Miscellaneous

That's like putting a side saddle on a boar hog!

Miscellaneous

I was as surprised as if a sheep had bit me.

Miscellaneous