Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 56)

Busted two sets of knee caps

Miscellaneous

The only hope of deciphering her invitations, someone said, was to pin them up on the wall and run past them!

(1907 – 1999) English publisher & editor
Miscellaneous

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

Miscellaneous

Fee. Fi. Fo. Meh.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Miscellaneous

If you are in trouble and told to go out and cut your own switch…don’t come back with a little one…that ain’t going to work for ya.

Miscellaneous

Acupuncture: Waiting for a cure on pins and needles.

Miscellaneous

He’d skin a flea for the hide and tallow.

Miscellaneous

It’s been saucered and blowed.

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The hair is in the butter.

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It don’t take long to examine a hot horseshoe.

Miscellaneous

Beanville, Vermont

Miscellaneous

Confucius say… no time for your health today; no health for your time tomorrow.

Miscellaneous

You know one thing that will really make a woman mad?… just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)

Miscellaneous

What goes over the Devil’s back comes back over his belly.

Miscellaneous

You've heard the saying that every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time a mousetrap snaps, an angel gets set on fire.

Miscellaneous

I was much further out than you thought, and not waving but drowning.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Miscellaneous

They scoffed when I told them I’d one day learn the secret of invisibility; if they could only see me now.

(1980 – ) English magician & comedian
Miscellaneous

The land that had nourished him and had borne him fruit now turned against him and called him a fruit. Man, I hate land like that.

Miscellaneous

Creaking doors hang the longest.

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It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.

Miscellaneous

Stronger’n a garlic milkshake

Miscellaneous