Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 56)

I do not see why I should break my neck because a dog chooses to run after a nasty smell.

(1848 – 1930) British Conservative politician & statesman
Miscellaneous

Jump the broomstick

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Unfortunately, all Coach Carter taught me was that I can actually scratch the first four verses of Revelations into the back of a theater chair with my fingernail in a little under two hours.

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Miscellaneous Reviews/Criticism

Broken Groin, South Carolina

Miscellaneous

Will ya take on wood?

Miscellaneous

Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.

Miscellaneous

If they ever build a statue of me, I hope they don’t have me with my mouth wide open and holding a sign that says “I love rotten eggs.”

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I'm out like a fat girl stealing second.

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He’s so skinny… looks like he swapped legs with a wasp and got cheated out of the stinger!

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If promises were persimmons, possums could eat good at her place.

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In the wake of a successful Iraqi elections President Bush’s job approval rating has jumped up to 57% or, as high school teachers call it, an ‘F’.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Miscellaneous

Girlfriend Calling You Fat? You Probably Are. Ride Bike

Miscellaneous

If I had a nickname, I think I would want it to be “Prince of Weasels”, because then I could go up and bite people and they would turn around and go, “What the – ?” And then they would recognize me, and go, “Oh, it’s you, the Prince of Weasels.”

Miscellaneous

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients… but we can’t scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

Miscellaneous

Busier than a cross eyed cranberry picker.

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As full of wind as a corn-eating horse

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He’d argue with a wall as long as it’d stand there and take it.

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Whenever I need to ‘get away,’ I just get away in my mind; I go to my imaginary spot, where the beach is perfect and the water is perfect and the weather is perfect; the only bad thing there are the flies… they’re terrible!

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Most people don’t realize that two large pieces of coral painted brown and attached to the skull with common wood screws can make a child look like a deer.

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Beard,  West Virginia

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Grandma, Show Us Your Tattoos

Miscellaneous