Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 56)

He ran like his feet were on fire and his ass was catchin'.

Miscellaneous

When people say, ‘You’re breaking my heart,’ they do in fact usually men that you’re breaking their genitals.

(1932 – 1997) British journalist
Miscellaneous

To “love on you”

Miscellaneous

Planted corn before the fence was built

Miscellaneous

Tall hog at the trough

Miscellaneous

Oooo weee… I see Christmas.

Miscellaneous

I read that when the archaeologists dug down into the ancient cemetery, they found fragments of human bones! What kind of barbarians were these people, anyway?

Miscellaneous

Two old maids on a beach, streaker ran past… one had a stroke, the other one couldn't reach.

(1930 – 2007) English comedian & nightclub owner
Miscellaneous Wordplay

I've sallyjacked the potato salad.

Miscellaneous

One-third sap and two-thirds Eleanor.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Miscellaneous

Busier than a cross eyed cranberry picker.

Miscellaneous

They say no one knows if we all see red the same way… except traffic cops.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Miscellaneous

The Horrible Movie Song

Miscellaneous

Congratulations to Martin Luther King Jr. for having the only dream in history anyone actually wanted to hear about.

American comedian
Miscellaneous

When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves; and usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV.

Miscellaneous

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, what a Merry Christmas we’d have.

Miscellaneous

He could talk a dog off a meat wagon.

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Bigger’n Dallas

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He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.

Miscellaneous

Since smoking might injure your health, let’s be careful not to smoke too much.

Miscellaneous

He's tighter than a fiddle string

Miscellaneous