Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 56)

Every dog should have a few fleas.

He couldn't pull the skin off a custard.

If you can't beat ‘em join ‘em, and if you can’t join ‘em beat ‘em.

She'll be late to her own funeral.

He’s got a tough row to hoe

Granny Scrooch

Doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.

You plant a tater, you get a tater.

He’s going to blow the gates of hell wide open when he goes.

Y’all have chairs.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that’s what REALLY throws you into a panic.

Skinny as a bean pole.

Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer

She’s got more than one mule in her stable.

Prettier than a spotted heifer in a pansy patch!

I feel like the underside of a turnip green.

If a cow had wheels, it would be a milk truck.

He has more information than a Sears Roebuck catalog.

Greener than goose shit

Hotter than the hinges of Hell.

An empty wagon makes the most noise.