Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 57)

You can’t make a souffle rise twice.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Miscellaneous

Lay out… (of work/school)

Miscellaneous

Life is a constant battle between the heart and the brain; but guess who wins… the skeleton.

Miscellaneous

He’s a good ol’ dog, but sometimes he sh*ts to close to the porch.

Miscellaneous

If they ever build a statue of me, I hope they don’t have me with my mouth wide open and holding a sign that says “I love rotten eggs.”

Miscellaneous

Meaner than a stripe-ed snake

Miscellaneous

Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

Miscellaneous

Thank God it wasn’t his prostate.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Miscellaneous

Watch him; he'll slip a baby copperhead in your pocket, then ask you for a light.

Miscellaneous

Whenever you see a bunch of Italian guys talking Italian, just go up to them and start talking fake Italian. They may not understand you exactly, but at least everyone will get a nice warm “Italian” feeling.

Miscellaneous

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage; I take that as a compliment.

Miscellaneous

Cathead biscuit

Miscellaneous

You’d walk her down the front row of a revival meeting.

Miscellaneous

Go hog wild

Miscellaneous

He has to sneak up on water fountain to get a drink.

Miscellaneous

How long is a piece of string?

Miscellaneous

If i was feelin any better i'd give five dollars for a good headache.

Miscellaneous

Beard,  West Virginia

Miscellaneous

I think they should continue the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for paneling.

Miscellaneous

Warning to all outer-space guys: you can capture me and put me in your space zoo if you like, but I will sit way in the back of my cage, where it’s hard to see me… and when I do come out, I won’t be wearing any pants.

Miscellaneous

Does a bear shit in the woods?

Miscellaneous