Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 58)

He was so nervous, he could thread a sewing machine while it was running.

Miscellaneous

He’s dumber than a day old pig.

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I’m going to paint your back porch red if you keep talkin like that!

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I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they’ll know this is someone else’s territory.

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She’d make a freight train take a dirt road.

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I feel like the underside of a turnip green.

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As scarce as hens teeth.

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(I Keep) Throwing Good Love After Bad

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I feel bad for the guys who did steroids and still suck.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
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If that boy was any smarter we’d have to water him every week.

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If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas, because that’s what he’s getting.

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Looks like he’s been chewin’ tobacco and spittin’ in the wind.

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You’re trying to push a rope.

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I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex.

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The hair is in the butter.

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That gumbo will make a Chihuahua break a chain.

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I don’t know who St. Valentine was, but I hope he died alone, surrounded by couples.

(1972 – ) English actress & comedian
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He ain’t a man to tie too.

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No more sense than last year’s bird nest.

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My poor fellow, why not carry a watch.

(1852 – 1917) English actor & theater manager
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The dinner bell is always in tune.

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