Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 58)

I Hate When That Happens

Miscellaneous

You'll go to hell for lyin' just as fast as fer stealin' chickens.

Miscellaneous

This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar;’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

The damned thing works!

(1906 – 1971) American inventor & television pioneer
Miscellaneous

Bobby Wheeler: We were wondering if you would join us for a few minutes?

Jim: Well, what did you decide?

(1938 – ) American actor
Miscellaneous

A whistling woman and a crowing hen never comes to a very good end.

Miscellaneous

Proud as a dog with a hemstitched tail

Miscellaneous

The only hope of deciphering her invitations, someone said, was to pin them up on the wall and run past them!

(1907 – 1999) English publisher & editor
Miscellaneous

Tall hog at the trough

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His face was all plowed up

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An empty wagon makes the most noise.

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Who do you favor?

Miscellaneous

I tried water polo and my horse drowned.

(1964 – ) English comedian, writer, actor & musician
Miscellaneous

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Miscellaneous

I’m gonna tan your hide.

Miscellaneous

One time I don’t think you should listen to your body is when it says “I’m dead.”

Miscellaneous

Long as a month of Sundays.

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One thing a computer can do that most humans can’t is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.

Miscellaneous

Can of corn

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I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird, and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Miscellaneous

Can’t the Marx Brothers be arrested and maybe even tortured for all the confusion and problems they’ve caused?

Miscellaneous