Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 59)

You want to get three feet up a bull’s ass, just listen to the whisperings of sweethearts.

(1954 – 2008) British film director, playwright & screenwriter
Miscellaneous

He ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed!

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Whenever I start thinking that I am not living up to my potential, I remind myself of the old farmer and his fight to the death with the insane pig. It’s an exciting story, and it takes my mind off all this “potential” business.

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She Even Woke Me Up to Say Goodbye

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The Old Home Fill ’Er Up And Keep On Truckin’ Cafe

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Mom always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up, within reason; when I asked her what she meant by within reason, she said that I ask a lot of questions for a garbage man.

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We used to laugh at Grandpa when he’d head off and go fishing; but we wouldn’t be laughing that evening when he’d come back with some whore he picked up in town.

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For the record, folks; I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
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When I think of all the hours and hours of my life I have spent watching television, it makes me realize, Man, I am really rich with television.

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Y'all stay the night. We don’t have extra beds, but I’m sure we can find a nail to hang you on.

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We in the short rows.

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Never try to keep up with the Joneses; drag them down to your level… it’s cheaper that way.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
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Don’t jus’ stand there with yer fanger in yer mouth!

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It is fun to be in the same decade with you.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
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Remember what Daddy always says – an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure!

(1967 – ) American actress & producer
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Happy as a hog in slop.

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Purtier than a peach.

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Instead of having “answers” on a math test, they should just call them “impressions,” and if you got a different “impression,” so what, can’t we all be brothers?

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Sloppier than two pigs in a bucket

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My father used to beat me with his belt… while it was still on him.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
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If brains was grease, he couldn’t slick the head of a pin.

Miscellaneous