Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 59)

Like a buzzard roosted in it

Miscellaneous

Glad eye

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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

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I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you’re having a good idea but it’s just eggs hatching.

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In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.

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Well, I swanny…

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… took a long dip in the ugly pond

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Instead of having “answers” on a math test, they should just call them “impressions,” and if you got a different “impression,” so what, can’t we all be brothers?

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Old Keith Richards – Paul and Storm The Villain Who Wears No Pants

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The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.

Businessman
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He’s so tight you could shove a quarter up his ass and he’d grind it into a dime.

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He don’t use his kindlin’ to get a fire started.

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I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.

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That girl’s meaner than cuss!

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I think there is more wisdom in a single drop of rain than there is in all the books in all the libraries of the world… wait, not rain– super-concentrated brain juice.

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What makes Teflon stick to the pan?

(1946 – ) American comedian
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As scarce as hens teeth.

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He is purse proud.

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You’re barking up the wrong tree.

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Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.

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A face like a welder’s bench

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