Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 60)

Hotter than a two dollar pistol.

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Beard,  West Virginia

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Took a heart burnin'

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Slow as an iron toad

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If you’re an ant, and you’re walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin.

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Like a bump on a log

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I’ll turn him inside out and scrape him.

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If a bird had his brains, he fly backwards.

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Meaner than a sack full of rattlesnakes.

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I do not see why I should break my neck because a dog chooses to run after a nasty smell.

(1848 – 1930) British Conservative politician & statesman
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Don't get your tit in a ringer!

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Dumber than a barrel of hair

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Put on the dog

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They’re like two peas in a pod.

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Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder, but not any man is capable of being a good camper… so, murder and camping are not as similar as you might think.

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I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the world. He’d get right up next to your face and yell, and if you didn’t have the right answers, mister, you’d be peeling potatoes or changing the latrine. Hey, wait. I wasn’t in the army. Then who WAS that guy?!

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“I’ve grown fat on the contents of charity packages,” said Tom carefully.

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I think my friend Jeff is gay; I don’t know – I’m so bad with names.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
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Can’t hear thunder

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As tall as a Georgia pine

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I suwanne.

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