Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 61)

"shootin" horseshoes

Miscellaneous

The bigger the box, the bigger the things that won't fit in it.

Miscellaneous

Ten pounds of potatoes in a five pound sack

Miscellaneous

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands… all the rest of you… if you’ll just rattle your jewelry.

(1940 – 1980) English rock musician, singer & songwriter
Miscellaneous

Let me be the first to tweet about the 2018 earthquake.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Miscellaneous

There were so many people in that place, you couldn't stir 'em with a stick.

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Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.

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You’re about as grateful as a toothache.

Miscellaneous

Once I beat up the school bully with a baseball bat; both his arms were completely broken, which is what gave me the courage to do it.

(1956 – ) American comedian
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He looks like he stepped out of a bandbox.

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It’s raining cats and dogs.

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He’s so ugly he has to slap himself to sleep.

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Sweatin’ like a $2 whore in church

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Slow as pond water.

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He’s so ugly, he’s gotta sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

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Like a duck looking for thunder.

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… since Christ left Cleveland!

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One of the worst things you can do as an actor, I think, is to forget your lines, and then get so flustered you start stabbing the other actors.

Miscellaneous

If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

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We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients… but we can’t scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

Miscellaneous

Don’t let your mouth write a check that your ass can’t cash.

Miscellaneous