Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 61)

She’s so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

Miscellaneous

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, “What was THAT?!”

Miscellaneous

He sticks to that boy like white on rice.

Miscellaneous

Between you me and the gatepost…

Miscellaneous

If they ever have a haunted house for dogs, I think a good display would be a bathtub full of soapy water.

Miscellaneous

… since Christ left Cleveland!

Miscellaneous

Met a guy this morning with a glass eye; he didn’t tell me – it just came out in the conversation.

(1954 – ) American writer
Miscellaneous Things

Prettier than a blue-nosed mule.

Miscellaneous

Faster than a knife fight in a phone booth.

Miscellaneous

I wouldn’t mind if animals ate my body, after I’m dead. And before I’m dead, they could lick me.

Miscellaneous

Makes no never mind.

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Give down the country.

Miscellaneous

If you are in trouble and told to go out and cut your own switch…don’t come back with a little one…that ain’t going to work for ya.

Miscellaneous

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo, I’d have all my money back.

Miscellaneous

It’s funny how two simple words, “I promise,” will stall people for a while.

Miscellaneous

Don’t care if I do.

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As tall as a Georgia pine

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Like a bug arguing with a chicken

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I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died.

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Like they do in Alabama

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He’s so tight you could shove a quarter up his ass and he’d grind it into a dime.

Miscellaneous