Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 63)

So ugly he could snag lightning

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I feel like I was et by a coyote and shit over a cliff.

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Too mean for Jesus, too dumb for the Devil

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You’re trying to push a rope.

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It’s fascinating to think that all around us there’s an invisible world we can’t even see. I’m speaking, of course, of the world of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.

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As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party

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Hay is just the first stage of bullshit.

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As easy as herding chickens/cats

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Road Humps

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It was so good it would have brought tears to a glass eye.

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His front porch light is burnt out.

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You know one thing that will really make a woman mad?… just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)

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You need to get you some bidness!

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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes; after that, who cares? … he’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
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The dinner bell is always in tune.

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I don’t advocate that children start smoking… but for those kids who already do smoke, boy, it’s good, isn’t it?

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Don’t insult the alligator till you’ve crossed the stream.

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We live by the Golden Rule: those who have the gold make the rules.

(1914 –2008) American baseball executive
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Some folks say it was a miracle. St. Francis suddenly appeared and knocked the next pitch clean over the fence. Other folks say it was just a lucky swing.

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I have my doubts about disbelief.

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He’s so mean a rattlesnake bit him five times and died.

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