Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 64)

Here’s a tip: if you ever decide to take apart a bird’s nest, to see how it’s made, first make sure it’s not somebody’s basket they got in South America.

Miscellaneous

Here’s a picture of me with R.E.M.; that’s me in the corner.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Miscellaneous

Talk the legs off a dead mule – or – talk the hind leg off a donkey

Miscellaneous

Pissin’ in the wind

Miscellaneous

Louder than two skeletons fighting on a tin roof.

Miscellaneous

I'll hit you so hard your children will be born dizzy.

Miscellaneous

I’m so confused I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

Miscellaneous

She's so mad she's gonna raise sand.

Miscellaneous

No one is ever warmed by wool pulled over his eyes.

writer
Miscellaneous

But what if dolphins don't want to swim with retarded children?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous

No fly ever lit on her.

Miscellaneous

I’ll never forget the time that skunk got under the house and Grandpa went under to get him…. boy, it smelled for months… you know, that was the last time we ever saw Grandpa.

Miscellaneous

I don’t pay him no nevermind.

Miscellaneous

Would you raise that winder down! I'm freezin' my tail off!

Miscellaneous

Mind that frayed cord – it’ll knock your pecker into yer watchpocket!

Miscellaneous

Hay is just the first stage of bullshit.

Miscellaneous

She could talk the leg off a horse.

Miscellaneous

Where there’s smoke, there’s… pollution.

Miscellaneous Proverbs

Plantation dog

Miscellaneous

This mall Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Miscellaneous

Crespin’s Law of Observation

Miscellaneous