Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 64)

This gravy's so good, if you get it on your forehead your tongue's gonna slap your brains out!

Miscellaneous

I’m as busy as a one-armed barber with hives.

Miscellaneous

He's nuttier than a squirrel shit.

Miscellaneous

Many people don’t realize that playing dead can help not only with bears, but also at important business meetings.

Miscellaneous

If you’re a boxing referee, it’s probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins or changes colors.

Miscellaneous

It’s raining cats and dogs.

Miscellaneous

Colder than a well digger's ass

Miscellaneous

If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted.

Miscellaneous

It’s hotter than the hinges of Hell.

Miscellaneous

So good it’ll make you smack yo mama.

Miscellaneous

He's so thin he had to stand twice in the same place to make a shadow.

Miscellaneous

If you want to fight me you better pack a lunch and bring a flashlight.

Miscellaneous

You'd have to be William Tell to hit a straw bale round here.

British motorcycle road racer
Miscellaneous

If wishes were horses, some folks would need a lot of hay.

Miscellaneous

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Miscellaneous

Does a bear shit in the woods?

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Skinny as a bean pole.

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I’ve got an accountant who’s been with me forty years; if he makes a mistake, he dies.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Marta cook up about a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at Marine Land says, "You can't throw that chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish."
Sure they eat fish if that's all you give them! Man, wise up.

Miscellaneous

Her apron’s ridin’ high.

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Got off like a fat rat with cheese.

Miscellaneous